A
female
age
30-35,
*lwayznd4eva116
writes:Hey, umm, I have been sexually active for about two years now and I have had three partners, two in which i have been serious with, and one, was just a one night stand. after that one time, i kinda felt guilty about it because i did it out of spite. i dont want to continue to do sexual things out of spite towards my current bf or whatever. i also feel like all three of my partners only talked to me in order to get me to have sex with them. and me, being a horny teenager, just went along with it. my most current partner gave me great sex. i mean, soo much that i cant stop thinking about it. its been almost a year with him, but two weeks ago we stopped talking due to other reasons. i want to become abstinent. not necessarily til marriage, but at least until i find a REAL bf. one that is willing to wait for me and wants to learn EVERYTHING about me before we start a sexual relationship. has anybody ever went from sexually active to abstinent and how? i need tips on how i can do it. plszz and thank yu.
View related questions:
horny, one night stand Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, alwayznd4eva116 +, writes (8 November 2009):
alwayznd4eva116 is verified as being by the original poster of the question yeah, i do masterbate sometimes. it works for the most part because its been about a month since i last seen this guy. so if thats gunna be the only way ill be able to qwench this urge, ill try it more often..and trying a toy or two doesnt sound bad either lol
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2009): Well I know some girls who have the same problem and they say that with a little bit of trial and error masturbation can be a great way to get over those urges.
Quite a few have said that the thing is that it takes some playing around with yourself to find out what you really like and possibly some toys to use.
If this is embarrassing for you to talk about then I apologize but it can make all the difference in the world.
This also can be a good thing because if you learn more about what you like and how your body responds you can communicate this to a guy you are with when you do decide to start having sex. This can lead to much better sex for both of you.
...............................
A
female
reader, alwayznd4eva116 +, writes (4 November 2009):
alwayznd4eva116 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionno, i dnt want to become abstinent with the guy i was recently seeing because as i meantioned, we stopped talking about two weeks ago. but i want to try it with new guys i meet. my problem is that im soo addicted to the way this old guy use to do it, that its all i think of. and i know abstaining from sex is more of a mental thing, but what about the physical part, like those nights when im feeling horny, and im tempted to hit up this guy so i could come over. how can i ignore that urge?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009): I agree with a lot of what pinktopaz said. When it comes to sex I think that (unless you just want a one night stand- which you've made clear you don't) you should wait until the feelings are right. Emotional sex has always been wonderful for me. If you meet a guy and are hitting it off wait as long as you want until you're comfortable. One thing though, if the subject comes up and you tell him you want to wait explain to him why. Explain that you don't want to wait for marriage and you're open to the idea. I mean if you want to wait for marriage then that's fine but if you're not and the guy thinks you want to wait for marriage that might scare him off.
If I can stress one thing it's that communication is very important. Talk to him, whoever he is. If he's the right guy then he'll listen.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009): I agree with the other answer you would have better luck doing the abstinence thing with a new guy.
There's no reason you can't do this, but don't expect it to be a popular thing with future BFs. Not many guys are really willing to put up with no sex in their early 20s. And out of those, even fewer are willing to put up with no sex from a girl who was already screwing several previous guys.
The problem is that it's pretty much the worst of all worlds for a guy to get with a freshly abstinent girl who used to sleep with other guys. The new guy doesn't get any of the benefits of a sexually abstinent girl and he also doesn't get the sex either. Who wants to pay double the price for something just because the store owner gave it away to the last customer for free and is trying to balance the register out now?
...............................
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (3 November 2009):
I think it's a bit easier to do that with a new guy and not a guy you've already been having sex with. That one would be a bit more complicated. I don't think it would be just because they're guys either--if a guy I had been intimate with declared that he was now going to be abstinent, I kind of wouldn't take him seriously and would think that there's something else behind it or he just doesn't like having sex with me.
But if you're talking about holding off on sex with new guys that you meet, sure--anyone can do that. I've gone back and forth with that one and I've had friends that have too. If you want to wait until you're sure that you're into him and he's into you and the relationship can go further, just make sure that you don't lead him on into thinking that he's going to get sex when he really isn't. So you can go on dates and kiss, but just don't let it get too heavy. You don't want to send the wrong signals to a guy to make him think that he's going to get some when he isn't. Communication is always a plus too. I don't think it's really appropriate conversation on a first date to talk about your view on sex, but after a few then it's okay to bring it up.
...............................
|
