A
female
age
30-35,
*issLoca
writes:So some of you may know me, I've posted a few questions about my relationship with my bf of 5 years. Well he is no longer my bf. We broke up about 3 weeks ago. It is kind of an awkward situation though because we still live together. This is because I have no where else to go for the moment so me, being his baby's momma, he's letting me stay with him until I can get on my own two feet. As some of you may know, there is this guy I was talking to since like May. I'm still talking to him all the time, daily I mean. Now I truly believe I'm in love with him. Just the thought of him makes me smile and I get butterflies when I hear his voice. The only thing is, I've never actually met him in person. I mean I know what he looks like and I talk to him over the phone all the time so I'm not worried he's like a creep or anything like that. I just wanted to know if it's possible to fall in love with someone you've never met before. There was a misunderstanding that happened between me and him where we stopped talking for like 4 days. During this time I cried over him all the time when there was no one else around. I felt so unhappy and depressed and I prayed that God would bring him back to me. Then on the 4th day, he got in touch with me again and apologized. I was so happy just to have him talking to me again. I love him! I believe I am in love with him but at the same time I want to know if there's anyone else out there who has fallen in love with someone they've never met before. Or even an opinion on whether or not this is real. Please give advice, would be very helpfull!
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (7 November 2011):
 Yes, you can fall in love without having met him. But you must not forget about the context either. You are in love with what you know so far. When never having met him, there's an extremely high chance of there being so many things you haven't seen yet, things that would have made you not fall for him had you met under other circumstances.
You're in love, but you haven't seen the full picture yet, you're in love with the small part that has been revealed. Not meeting face to face on a regular basis hides away ALOT of a person, while it reveals one a few certain aspects in a better light.
I was in a long distance relationship that started as an online relationship. We fell in love. Then we met in real life... and what struck me, looking back, is how much more aggressive he was. Through texts and chats and e-mails his aggression didn't show. When we had a fight, through text, it was only words. In real life he would shout at me, scream at me, block the doors so I couldn't walk away, lean over me, threaten me etc. Things like that are things you don't see when you haven't met the person....
My online boyfriend was also interested in sex and was open about sex, when we were only talking about it. In real life he never initiated sex and didn't show much of a passion. He told me before we met that he was a very "hands on" type of man who loved to hold hands and cuddle etc, in real life .. not so much. He also showed me pictures of his car, turned out not to be his car after all.
What I'm saying is, when you haven't met face to face and actually been getting to know each other in the context of real life, it is easy to make pretenses and build up fantasies. He was who he claimed to be, sure, but who he claimed to be in is own perspective was different from how I, and others, saw him.
Getting along great online, through chats, or on the phone, does not mean you can actually get along in real life. He might be charming and pleasant with you over the phone, but in real life he might be a smug asshole. You are in love only with the part of him that he portrays, and you are only seeing a fragment of who he is.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 November 2011):
 No, it's not real. You are in love not with this person , whom you don't even know, but with your idea about this person and with how he makes you feel about yourself : wanted, sought after, listened to.
It could be all different in real life, words are a dime a dozen, some people can say the rights words, or the words you need to hear, but for getting to know somebody you have to see how they act in real life. Normal, mundane stuff, yet meaningful. Have you ever been to a restaurant with him ? For all you know he might be an arrogant asshole who berates the waiters and never leaves tips. Have you seen his place ? maybe it's a messy ,smelly dump , or, au contraire, the sterilized abode of a total neatness freak , and you'd find hard living together.
And so on and so forth.
Sure, somebody will say that true love won't be defeated by minor details like stingy tips or smelly socks - and I agree. But you need to test your love against these common everyday occurrences to find out if it's true or not, and until you do that, you cannot know if you are in fact just living a fantasy, born from your loneliness and wishful thinking.
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