A
male
age
36-40,
*ir-T
writes:I met this girl while going through a rough patch with another girl who i did not like that was trying to force herself on me.This new girl was prettier and more intelligent had a full time job and proper stuck up for me and fought the other girl down... even her parents were sticking up for me which i though was cool at the time.I am the sort of guy that doesn't really like making too much effort when it comes to girls cos i believe they should make as much effort as well if they are interested at least too. So i did try dating a few girls one of which i keep regretting not getting with now and i don't know if its right to feel this way.I am an African guy and my current girlfriend is white. Now the girl i am kinda regretting not getting with is a mixed girl, very pretty, smart and intelligent, a graduate and a career woman already... I have been out to lunch with her before i met my girlfriend but she played hard and busy but since i met this other girl she has started showing interest and i am getting confused.My girlfriend after a while stopped liking my jokes and a few funny comments i would make and she stopped being free around me and when i dug deep i found out she has had a troubled life... right from birth her parents weren't prepared so her dad asked for her to be aborted and when she wasn't he left her mum.Now her mum got re-married and my girlfriend started getting mistreated by her step-dad and got into a relationship with a guy that treated her like shit and used to beat her up badly... she began to go under with stress... she started adding weight and had acne and got depressed.She got diagnosed with bipola and has almost had cancer twice (the lumps were removed on time) and she had even tried committing suicide before but of course i got to know all this after i had confessed my love.She begged me not to hold any of this against her i thought why should I?? so i vowed to myself that i was gonna treat her better than she could ever imagine, give her all she never had basically.She is head over heels in love with me but lately her depression comes on when she gets scared or jealous of losing me and she upsets me badly to the point i have almost ended the relationship close to 3 times now. After the last straw, i haven't been myself.I am currently in my final year at uni and I am not sure if its the right time for all this, she has told me she will commit suicide if i leave her cos she will have no reason to live on. She wants to get married and have kids with me too.Does any of this sound like i am in the right relationship?? She can spot i am having second thoughts now because she came crying to me and said all she wants is to feel wanted and to be made to feel special as no one has ever made her feel that way before.What do i do?Also what are your views on the whole interracial thing... is it going to be a good thing for my kids? also will i have to end up living in this country as she has got skin mould so has to be careful with the sun or they could get cancerous.Is this a baggage or should i love her completely? I am so confused pls help!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2012): Make sure you seek counselling. ;)
A
male
reader, Sir-T +, writes (29 January 2012):
Sir-T is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much... It has been a rough ride but as of now we are no longer together... she wants to get back but i am quite stayed on my decision... Very many thanks :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2011): This GF that uses her bipolar as a weapon- threatens harm herself, emotional blackmail, abusive/controlling, is NOT HEALTHY enought to be married to or to have children with. The Cycle of abuse has to stop. Bi Polarism has to be treated with Medication and Therapy. And most people rebel against such things. IF the GF won't do both treatments and get healthier, you are looking at a life of drama, trauma, abuse, neglect, chaos. Now how is that loving? Who deserves all of that?Interacial is not the issue.You want your future children to be healthy, successful, it will not be with the current GF in her current unhealthy, abusive mental state.You yourself are in need of counselling to deal and cope with the abuse so please seek that ASAP.
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