A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for two years now, we love each other very much and i'm very attached to him!The only thing getting on my nerves at the moment are his parents!They are nice people but they are just so annoying. His mum is a bit older and had my boyfriend when she was 48, but she does nothing all day and is so lazy. When we have them over for dinner she doesn't help clear up she just sits and watches tv. Once when we went to see them, she was cooking i asked if i could do anything and she said 'oh something i've been meaning to do for a while is clean the blinds upstairs' i wished i had never asked!!!!! We've also been over to take her out for lunch and my boyfriend has started doing the hoovering while we've been waiting for her to get ready, my boyfriend says 'well shes old she cant do stuff' shes only (68) my grandma is 70 and she suffers from arthritis and does so much more!!!His dad gets on my nerves because hes so opinionated and thinks the only job for women is cleaning and cooking. so i have to keep my mouth shut quite often. He always thinks he right and thinks he knows best for his son. and he talks to my boyfriends mum quite badly.I try to avoid seeing them because they just end up annoying me! Whenever they come over to me and my boyfriends flat they leave a mess, cushions all over the floor, mugs and cups everywhere! and they often say, 'oh yes we will come over but we would like to stay the night' this drives me mad because they live only 20 minutes away, i ask my boyfriend why and he says 'because they they want to spend more time with us' we see them about once a week which is enough for me at one point they were coming over three times a week!!! Even my grandma said to me, 'how can you afford to buy and cook your boyfriends parents dinner ever week??' If we invited them over for lunch, they would expect dinner too and stay till 11/12 even though we have work the next day! Even if we go over to their house (which is horrible, its half falling down, its dirty and dusty because his mum just watches tv throughout the week) they always want us to stay the night even though we only live 20 minutes away?? The other day they asked me why i never want to stay the night, i couldn't believe it!!!!I just dont know what to do, i get so annoyed with them both!!!! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2011): My Mum was 40 when she had me, and my Dad was a very opinionated man. I can tell you now in full honestly if my partner talked about my parents with the way you just described your boyfriend's parents, he would be single very fast. Talk to your boyfriend about them coming to your house and how they are honestly, and work it out with him, and set some ground rules. Just because they are not like your Grandma doesn't mean that her way is right and their's is wrong. It may have to do with health, and I do believe their is a lot of generational gap between you as to the annoyance you feel towards them. They are your boyfriend's parents, without them you wouldn't have him. I am sorry if this seems harsh, but I have come across people that have been that way about my parents, and let's just say they haven't lasted long around me. If you love your boyfriend, grow up and find a way to control your annoyance and accept them. Saying that seeing them once a week is more than enough for you is fine, but how does he feel. You have said about their house being run down, well they are old, probably can't do as much as they used to. It's part of getting older, you too will get older and someone will be saying things like this about you. Grow up a bit and think about how it must make your boyfriend feel, if you care how he feels. I am sorry if you don't like my response, but you are being very selfcentred. They are his parents, and I bet he shows your parents more respect than this because he loves you, so try doing the same, and be a bit more compassionate.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (7 November 2011):
 I think the operative phrase in your submittal is this one: "...I try to avoid seeing them because they just end up annoying me!..."
I suggest doing more of that and less of seeing these people. Discuss the matter with your B/F... and if he feels that he must be in touch with his parents more than you can endure, ask him to visit them by himself more, and save you the angst of seeing them....
Good luck...
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