A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Can I ever move on from being in a abusive relationship?Will I ever really, 100% trust another man again?I haven't started to date yet, since getting out of the relationship, but the thought scares me, as my ex seemed perfect and charming at he beginning, I don't want to fall for that again.How do I know if a man is genuine?My ex told me that no man would ever want me, that I would never be able to hold down a relationship because I'm not worthy, and am mental.We have been apart for 18 months now.I don't know if and when I should put myself out there again?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2013): I've been away from my abusive ex for 4 years, and I'm not totally trusting yet. I have found a really sweet guy who cherishes me and is always finding new ways to make me smile, sometimes not even realizing that's what he's doing. It is very hard to trust again, but I do think it's possible. My guard still goes up every once in awhile, and I pull back from my man. I finally realized myself that it HAS been 4 years, and I cannot continue to blame all my issues on my ex. Nobody can understand if they haven't lived in the abuse. It's hard, but all you can do is open up a little at a time. I find it very hard to trust that someone, a man whom I love, loves me, but I'm getting there, and you will, too.
A
female
reader, Soconfusedanymore  +, writes (10 October 2013):
 Yes you should put yourself out there! Don't let this BOY stay in your head! I once had a guy tell me "who the f*** would want you after having a kid"! Well, since then quite a few. Do NOT listen to his abusive words. Do NOT let him ruin your self esteem worse than he has. I suggest getting some therapy, and working on yourself. Learn to love yourself again. Make new friends, reconnect with family, get out there and just live. I KNOW how damaging these less than human beings can do to someones mental state. It hurts and after a while, you almost believe all the bs they spew out of their mouths. Don't let yourself stay alone out of fear. There are some good guys out there, but you won't find them until you let go of this mind set. What that boy did is wrong. That is not normal behavior. Learn to love youself, embrace your freedom, and go out there and relearn how to live. You can do it. And if noone has told you lately, you are beautiful and intelligent. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to let yourself let go of the past. You deserve to be free of all the hurt and pain he has caused you. That was not love. Love is wonderful and you can and will find that one day.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for answering guys.
I just sometimes feel like my family and friends don't understand, they think I should be over it by now. Most of the time I can be ok, I just get days when im not so good, and then I feel so alone.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2013): Definitely YES.
you just have to forget about that past. what happened from the past is something you cannot change. But definitely, lessons learned should serve as your guide. Like how can you can be better. Do's and Dont's in dating or in a relationship.
Say your jealous, crazy jealous. It will not help a relationship to work. Then you need to work on with your jealousy first before jumping into a relationship.
Otherwise, what happened from the past will just go on and on and on. Good luck
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A
female
reader, malletchick76 +, writes (9 October 2013):
 Yes. You deserve to be happy in every aspect of your life and you will. Continue to talk it out with someone whenever you need to and keep telling yourself that you're worth it. If you say a positive thing enough times, it will come true. I really believe in that.
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (9 October 2013):
 I have been in 3 abusive relationships. I was engaged to all 3 of them because they showered me with affection but were abusive.
Finally I am with someone (been with him for the past 2 years) who has treated me like a diamond (even on my worst -fall apart days) so trust me,
it is possible to find a good relationship and get over this horrible feeling!
Most abusers come across as really "good guys" and once you get to know them its a different story. So dont feel silly for believing in one.
My ex's told me the same thing when we were breaking up... that i was unworthy blah blah...
BUT I did find a man who does love me and treat me nicely!
You should put yourself out there if you are READY for a relationship.
The key is you need to put back faith in yourself and believe you are a worth it! Otherwise the next guy will pick it right up and treat you bad (hence why 3 times i attracted abusive guys).
To know if the next guy is genuine you need to educate yourself (thats what I did after my 3 blunders)
I Read and researched on psychology and what makes people tick... By educating yourself you can look for potential clues in the next guy (if he has abusive, traits) so you can avoid him!!!
Dont lose hope just because one guy treated you bad. I had 3 guys treat me mean but I found 1 who was a angel.
It means all guys are not the same.
I hope this helps and if you need any more advice about this feel free to PM me. I know how hard it is, but you have to be strong to get through that pain.
Love!
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