A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Around 2 and a half months ago I broke up with my girlfriend. To be more precise she broke up with me. We dated for around 4 months and it was a good relationship; she would tell me during it that she loved me and I told her the same back.It was a very nice relationship; I felt very comfortable in it and constantly pictured us being together for a long time. It's arguably the happiest I've ever been being in this relationship; I genuinely loved our time together.Her reason for breaking up with me was that she didn't want a relationship anymore and she said the reason why she thinks it didn't work was that we went too fast.I should also note I met her through online dating. This kind of becomes important later.Now naturally I was devestated about it; I really did love her (I know I'm going to get comments about the length of the relationship but I should note it is my longest relationship and I genuinely enjoyed it)And it's hard for me to deny; I still have feelings for her; I don't mope about it anymore but I do think about it daily.This week she has started working at my job; I only found this out last week after my boss told me to check that everything was ok. So she didn't tell me; she was planning to but my boss told me first.Me and her have talked while she has been there. She has gotten more attentive to me as of late. We didn't talk a lot after the break up; just about getting stuff back and things like that; we talked for a while on the day we broke up but it's hard for me to remember exactly what I said that day or what she said as I was a bit of an emotional wreeck. But now she has talked to me every day. She invited me to lunch to have a catch up; begged me to keep her company on her first day when she was waiting at reception and has been thanking me constantly for ensuring that no one at work has a negative opinion about her because of her dumping me (some co-workers have said things).I've noticed today on the dating site that we met that she's back on it now. That she's looking to date.I want to ask her out on a date; but to be blunt the prospect of her saying yes just sounds too "movie-like" and less like reality. Most women I've met and tried dating have been pretty terrible to me; but this is someone who I saw cry because she was so worried about me once (it was something very trivial; nothing serious).I'm also conerned that any attempt I make at asking her out on a date will sound like "hey lets start our relationship again" when really I'm just wanting to go on a date with her to see if something clicks again.Should I do this? Is there any way I can structure this to get my point across that I just want a date?
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male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (8 October 2013):
You might be in for a rude awakening... She broke up with you for a reason, specifically because you cared more about her than she cared about you (aka moved to fast). Combine that with the probability that you embarrassed yourself when she broke up with you and you don't have a good chance to win her over.
She's friendly to you, and that's great, but it's likely because you're the only one she knows at the job.
If I was you I would let things with her remain friendly, and look for live from someone who hasn't already broke up with you.
If you don't accept that answer, that's fine. In that case I'd ask her out for a simple date (lunch, after work dinner, or something that isn't too "date-y"). Flirt and show your interest to get a feel of her responsiveness to you. If she flirts back (not just being friendly) than tell her it's been nice getting back in touch with her and you were wondering if she'd like to (fill in the blank with a real date idea).
If she says no then you know she's not interested.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2013): There is nothing wrong with asking her out again. All she can say is no then you would know in your mind its really over and she doesn't want to rekindle a old relationship. It appears your co workers were not to impressed with how your relationship ended the first time. You decide, i cant figure out if she is using you or not. Be honest and open with her and tell her what you are thinking. I am sure it wont be long before you cans see if you can rekindle anything with her. I am sorry to here that your previous relationships with women crashed and burned. But to hear that they were bad to you is disturbing indeed. I hope that what ever is at the root cause of your abusive relationships with women can be resolved or you could be headed for years of heartache and pain. Seek positive change and help , then move forward.
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