Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (15 September 2011):
 I'm sorry you are in this unhappy situation but it is a situation of your own creation. No one is forcing you to stay in your current marriage. Expecting some other person to do the dirty work, i.e. wanting the other guy to leave his marriage is pure escapism. That you would think this way means that you are emotionally damaged.
You will not get to a happier place in your life until you realize that the only one responsible for your happiness is you. Only then can you take the necessary steps to heal yourself. One day, if all goes well, you will look back on this time and be thankful that you are no longer that person. Good luck and take care.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2011): yes it's possible because just because you're married doesn't mean you have a good relationship at home.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2011): Hi Lola,
I'm the OP. I need help getting over this man. I have tried and can't do it. My life is a living hell because of him. My marriage is suffering. Every other part of my life is suffering. I don't know how to stop my feelings.
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A
female
reader, positivesmiler  +, writes (15 September 2011):
what another person told you here is true you must put those new feelings for your wife..You married for a reason to marry someone you must of been so inlove..The love for your wife is still there..What you are feeling for this new woman is more lust than love..You will break your own heart if you begin anything with this other woman as you will relise what your wife means to you if you lose her..Your wife loves you this other woman would not love you the way your wife dose..Your wife deserves all your love..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2011): yes it is but there must be something missing from your marriage the time that you are going to spend putting in to your new found felling for the other women put it in to your marriage a new found love is like a brand new toy you will get tied of it soon put your time in to your marriage and start loveing your wife its not fair that your wife thinks you are loveing her but you are in love with someone else sort it out hun
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A
female
reader, Lola1 +, writes (14 September 2011):
 So, you knew the answer before you asked it.
I believe you have a question you aren't articulating; maybe it is because you haven’t realized what it is yourself yet (strong emotions can do that to us). Someone here may be able to help by offering a new perspective, or even by commiserating.
You are not happy in your marriage and the man you do want is not going to break up his marriage. What is it you need help with? Getting over the other man? Finding happiness within your marriage? Finding happiness as a single woman?
Let’s start with what you want from life and love… Help us to help you.
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A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain +, writes (13 September 2011):
Theres always a defining line, usually different for men and women, and if the line isnt crossed theres no guilt, lying, deception, etc. But once crossed the euphoria ( for the "lucky" couple) quickly chills in the cold light of day into regret and remorse. All people in relationships know where the line is, and better know where there partner would draw the line. Rarely does a relationship last when started "on the side" of another because often the new person is just filling in a few gaps that existed, and neved had the test of a full time relationship.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (13 September 2011):
 A moral man who is not leaving his family is really a good thing...
I am sorry you are in love with a man you can't have. I am sorry your no longer in love with your husband.
do you need to figure out a way to leave your marriage?
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A
female
reader, DenimandLace44 +, writes (13 September 2011):
 Yes it's possibly. But it almost always ends with your heart being broken. And a mess that can never be fixed. Don't act on it...
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (12 September 2011):
 The statistics "tell" us that that happens in 50% of all marriages.....
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (12 September 2011):
 I'm sorry to hear you say there is nothing anyone can do to help you.
YOU have to be your own best friend in a situation like this.
There is no future in keeping in touch with the married man. Therefore, it would be good (even if difficult) to begin to distance yourself from HIM.
Then, give thought to your marriage. What happened that you no longer love your husband? Have you (I assume you have) talked to him about what you want/don't want in your marriage? What would he like to have in your relationship?
Is it possible to get joint counselling? If not, would you consider counselling for yourself to help sort out your issues?
Address these matters first, before you even begin to think about whether you want to separate - because separation and eventual divorce is a whole other ball of wax......
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2011): It's the OP. I'm in love with another man. I don't love my husband anymore. The other man is married but it looks like he won't leave his family so he has been distancing himself from me. Age old problem. I am hurting so badly. This is the worst position to ever be in. It is tearing me apart right now. And there is nothing anyone can do to help me.
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A
female
reader, Lola1 +, writes (12 September 2011):
Lol... 'remembering names and stuff'.
When I answered this, I presumed it was as a general question. Are you facing a situation you need help with or just asking?
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (12 September 2011):
 Absolutely! There is no "limit" to the number of people a person can love. It just gets VERY confusing and tricky remebering names and stuff.
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A
female
reader, Lola1 +, writes (12 September 2011):
Yes it is possible, but if the marriage is a good one, why would you want to?
;-)
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (12 September 2011):
 Yes. When you get married, you do not die to the attraction, passions, and emotional draw to other people.
However, when you marry you reserve and preserve those feelings and experiences to the person you said "I do" with.
You choose that person to give your heart to.
Temptation to stray may come knocking on your door like an unexpected and uninvited guest, but that does not mean you must invite it in and live with you!
You choose to forsake ALL OTHERS. You take the option to act on feelings of attracation to someone else off your list of choices.
If you can not do that for the person you are with, then end that relationship before starting a new one and reconsider how you view commitment.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2011): Well, we all have the ability to fall in love with many people. If there was only '1' person in the world for you, then the odds of those people meeting would be 1 in billions. Normal human mating/relationship behavior will 'shut out' other potential mates when in a loving satisfying relationship. The fact you are thinking you love someone else means there is a LOT missing in your current marriage.DO NOT do anything about this other guy until you resolve your own marriage issues, even if that means divorce. Cheating only makes you the wrong person (ie slut), if you really aren't fulfilled in your marriage, then either talk to your husband, or seek consuling. If it is for the best, then divorce, and move on (with the new guy).I hope the very best for you (and your unknowing husband) you're still young enough for the both of you to make sure you're happy for the rest of your life.
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A
female
reader, cheers  +, writes (12 September 2011):
 Possible,But is it right thing to do as a married woman? Please don't run wild. but think straight. Think wisely. Don't you suppose to be faithful and loyal to married husband/family?
It's a mindset. please divert it to other thing. you CAN DO IT! Leave it!
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A
female
reader, rile962 +, writes (12 September 2011):
Unfortunately, yes. But in order for that to happen, you would've made a choice at some point to open your heart in a special way to someone other than your spouse. Perhaps the marriage wasn't going well, for whatever reason, and another person just happened to be around who was understanding and made you feel good. I can promise you this: cheating is NEVER the right answer.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 September 2011):
yeah it is.... it's not pretty for the marriage and it shows that there are some serious flaws in the marriage or in the people within the marriage.
and it's NOT cool to act on it without being HONEST about it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2011): Yes, it is. But the thing is to determin if it is love or just an attraction that feels like love because it is new. Also to examin why this may be happening (such as discontent in your marriage,) and how to resolve the issue if possible in your marriage. Or to determin if the marriage is not viable or healthy (such as due to abuse) and resolve that before starting a new relationship.
Cheating is not a good idea, even if unhappy. Better to resolve the unhappiness, and if you can't, then move on.
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