A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Can we still remain friends after he rejected me romantically speaking?A friend and I were super friends and confidants.His girlfriend left him for other guy a year ago and therefore has not recovered from the loss. My big mistake was to became his FWB when he told me that he didn't want anything with anyone and that he saw other girls too and wants to enjoy his single life.I was such an idiot to fell in love with him and was more idiot to tell him knowing that he didn't feel the same way about me. I Send him a text telling him to please not to misunderstood the love and friendship I gave b/c they had been sincere and that I had not expected anything in return and that I don't want to lose his friendship. He replied " It's Ok, friendship remains the same" and sent me a wink.I will be traveling a short trip and I would like to back off a while from him. Will it be good if I speak with him before leaving and to tell him that I regret what we did as FWB and I don't want to lose the friendship that we really had? Can we really still be friends as always?He tells me he loves me very much but now I know that it is as a friend : -(Was I stupid of telling him how I felt or should have waited or will it be the same after all?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2012): You've already lost the friendship you had by introducing sex and love into the equation. It will never be the same after that and no, you can't be friends with someone you're romantically in love with, that's called a crush, and I'm sure you know why they call them crushes.
I'm surprized no one picked up on this but you do know the wink after that text means he still plans on being FWB's right? Friendship remains the same i.e. you are still fuck buddies as far as he's concerned.
OP let me make it clear to you, as the posters before me have also stated there is absolutely no way in hell for you to be friends with this guy while you're in love with him. If you try, it will be a big long painful disaster for you because you won't get over him while you and he are still close. How does it make you feel to think that he will soon start seeing other women? Because once you take the sex out of the equation, which you have to for your own sanity, then he will look elsewhere to have his needs met. Can you really be friends with him and see all that? Do you think you'll be able to get over your love for him while you two are still close? Not going to happen.
Take a break from him, a complete break the only thing way you can ever be friends with him is if you remove him from your life until you get over him and are at a place where you have no romantic feelings for him. It may not be possible at all though and frankly OP, it's best if you get over him so letting go is not an option, it's a necessity, because your friendship is going to fall apart no matter what as you get crushed watching him with other girls.
For the record OP this - "he didn't want anything with anyone" always means "he didn't want anything with you" always. It's a non negotiable thing, it always means that because if there was even the slimmest of chances that he wanted something with you, he would not say that and blow it.
OP you're not an idiot for falling in love you can't help how you feel, you were a complete idiot for bringing sex into a friendship, it always destroys them. Only a tiny, tiny amount of time do they end up okay but you were far too close to this guy in the first place for that to be the case. Take this as a lesson learned, if you want ruin friendships have sex with your friends, it's best way and this one is completely ruined now and only a long time apart to get over him is going to fix this, but you were far too emotionally invested to begin with so it'll never be the same, you simply won't be able to get close to him anymore because it will hurt too much and no one is worth keeping around when you're in that much pain because of them.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (15 January 2012):
 In my opinion, maybe you should not be angry or not return his calls, maybe you could keep the friendship, but the two of you need some distance.
Both of you did the wrong thing in becoming friends with benefits. It was wrong of him to have sex with you, knowing full well he didn't love you and knowing what you expected from the relationship. It was wrong of you to become his friend with benefits knowing full well that he would not reciprocate the feelings. In a way, you tried to force things.
I think this is a tie. Both of you keep your hands off the other, move on, get to meet somebody new, and don't blame the other for what happened. Both of you did the wrong thing.
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (15 January 2012):
 You may have jumped the gun given his circumstances and where his head was at. Keeping the friendship intact? Is a little like trying to put the toothpaste back into the tube after you've squeezed it out. I see no way this is going to work out in the future because it gets complicated when you've crossed a certain line. You can never go home. My advise is go off on your trip. You owe him no explanations. And don't contact him when you return. In fact if he contacts you, I'd ignore his messages for about a month. Let's see if he persists. If he doesn't then move on. If he later decides he might want to move past the friend zone let him do the talking next time. Unfortunately once you tell a man how you feel (hoping they'll feel the same) anything and everything you say after that will be used against you. There will be no easy way to talk like friends because he'll always think there's a motive. "So what did you do this weekend?"(you say)......"I had a date why do you ask? (Are you going to be jealous now?...stalking my new girlfiend?" (he will think and possibly say). See how that goes? Sorry you had to learn this lesson the hard way. Good luck. Maybe it will still work out later if you don't go chasing afte him anymore.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2012): I think you were right to tell him, you have both been honest and know where you stand.
I wouldn't approach the subject again, go on your trip and stay out of contact for a while.Your too emotionally involved with him to be friends just now. You need to move on,be open to meeting others who can give you what you want. You don't have to fall out, just back off.I am sure he will understand.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (15 January 2012):
 I think you done the right thing by telling him how you feel, it is good to no where you both stand. I think you need to distance yourself from him for a while in order for a friendship to work, you say you fell in love with him, so after something like this happens it is hard to just remain platonic friends. When you see him moving on and settling down with other woman it is going to be hard for you, so you need to ask yourself would you be prepared to be only his friend and nothing more.
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