A
female
age
36-40,
*ib1
writes:Can we fall in love more than twice?I had a first love at 18 that took me years to get over. Then at 22 even though I didn't think it could happen I fell madly in love again. But he broke my heart recently.Now, I'm 24. I had said to my friend that falling in love the first time is sweet, falling in love the second time is luck, but falling in love for a third time is just plain having emotional problems.I feel like all my chances at love are done because of this. Isn't it true though? Shouldn't I just give up now because I don't think its healthy to fall in love again.Feel free to disagree! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Too Sensitive +, writes (3 December 2008):
I know from personal experience (I am now 47) that yes it is possible to fall in love multiple times (I am not sure how many times I've been in love, there have been several times). Like Tellulah, I am still in love with one man in particular from my past, and always will be. But I now know we were not right for one another, and truthfully, if he were to turn up on my doorstep, I would more than likely turn him away. He is just tucked away in the back of my head, only to very occasinally surface in my thoughts. If he surfaces too often or too intensely, I just remind myself of the reasons why it ended in the first place. That's all I need to do. He broke my heart, yes, in a very big way, and I needed 3 years to get over that (as it turns out, we were together for 3 years). If I can give you (or anyone) one piece of advice, it's don't fall in love with an alcoholic - one day it's heaven, the next it's hell. Not worth the amount of heartbreak they will put you through.Don't give up hope entirely, but do give yourself time, lots of time, to grieve the loss. Lean on friends, be kind to yourself, read self-help books, do whatever it takes to heal yourself. Learn to like yourself and your life without having a man by your side (this isn't always easy, but it can be done). Cherish and believe in yourself, even if it seems the men with whom you've been involved don't. And remember, life does go on, even though it may not feel as though it will at times.Yes, you are still young. But try not to underestimate what could be in store for you in your future. If you are truly able to grieve, forgive, and ultimately move on, then you will open yourself up to someone who just might not break your heart after all.I was divorced around your age from my first marriage, have had quite a few relationships since, and am now engaged to be married again. We have our troubles, and recently I have been thinking that b/c of what he puts me through at times, I am losing my taste to even be in a relationship with anyone at all. But you know what? We are talking in-depth about what he's been putting me through, and it is helping (I was at the point I did not think it would). So, we are trying to work through things, and I think maybe we have a chance, if we are able to keep the lines of communication open, and if I am able to forgive him (I feel as though I can, though 2 days ago I did not feel as though I could!).Good luck to you - I hope you are able to heal yourself, and I hope you fall in love again someday, when the time is right and that window of opportunity is there.
A
female
reader, TELLULAH  +, writes (2 December 2008):
 I can assure you that you can definatly fall in love more than once, or twice. Some will have a lasting effect on you more than others. I have never really got over my first real love and that was 20 years ago, but most of the time I dont think about it and push it to the back of my head. I am in love with my partner now, and hope to be for the rest of my life, but who knows what is in store for us.
Darling you are only young, just live your life but never ever let anyone use you.
Happy christmas XXX
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