A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together since the seventh grade. We will be entering tenth grade in the fall.When I first saw him, I was head over heels. I did everything to get his attention, and then one day, he sat beside me in class and passed me a note saying, you look beautiful today.The relationship grew from there. Besides him, I have never been with anybody else really. He is my very first love. I was a virgin until him, we had sex about a year into our relationship, and it made our connection even stronger.I thought I was his first too, but I guess I was wrong. The other night we were sitting on my couch dicussing these sorts of things. When I said, "I was your first too, right?" He hesistated and said "yeah..."I was calm but I knew something wasn't right, so I said straight up, "Okay, who is she?" He burst out in tears and told me he had slept with his sister two nights before me, so he wouldn't be as nervous to have sex with me, and could get some 'practice'I asked him to leave right away, and we haven't spoken since. He keeps trying to text me, but I don't know how to go about all of this. He says he feels extremely guilty and knows how wrong it was but he was so nervous.(Him and his sister are very close, she is also one of my good friends)I don't know if I should stay in this relationship, because quite frankly this has given me the creeps! I don't know if I will ever look at him or his sister the same way without getting this instant image in my mind.Should we stay together and work it out, or is this relationship a lost cause?Thanks in advance.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2009): there may be more and more brother -sister incest related activities but it doesn't make it right. end of story. we can justify it and wrap it up however which way we want to, in an attempt to prove that it is ok and not as taboo and sick as society makes it , but lets be realistic and call a spade a spade. would you condone sex between a father and daughter, or between a mother and her son? the end result is always the same. it is all about a value system and how much of sh1t we are prepared to live in and how much of excuses we make to justify our actions. in the end we know deep down but pretend not to know just how twisted this tale is.
lastly to each his own. decisions are made, actions are taken, and consequences are faced. just like the OP who has decided to end her relationship with this guy.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2009): Actually, brother-sister incest is more common than most people think, especially in cases like your boyfriend, where the brother and sister are really close. It happens a lot. In fact, this is how a lot of girls learn how to give handjobs and blowjobs, by practicing on their brothers. I have a read a lot of posts from girls who said they did this with their brothers. Sometimes it started with a girl accidentally walking in on her brother masturbating, and it led to her asking questions about it and asking if she could help the brother masturbate. Other times, girls just went to their brothers and asked him if he would show her how to give a handjob or blowjob. It's usually for the same reason, whether it's the brother or sister who intiates it -- they want to try sex with someone else, someone they trust, so that they'll know what to do when they get a boyfriend or girlfriend, and like your BF, will be less nervous than if they had never done it before. All the posts I read from girls who did this said they did NOT regret it and that practicing on and with their brother actually helped them be more ocnfident about sex and was an important part of their sexual development and maturity.As proof, Google the following words in quotation marks: I had sex with my brother" and an article that was published in the Times of London on July 15 2008 will come up. It was written by a woman who had a sexual relationship with her brother, and she doesn't feel guilty about it. The question is, can you understand how everyone makes mistakes, or does things when they are young that they later regret they did, or are embarrassed about, and don't want anyone to know about? Finally, yes, your relationship with this boy CAN work, if you want it to. Perhaps the best thing, since you are friends with his sister, is to talk to both of them about what they did, so that you will better understand the how's and why's of their having sex with each other. Since he had sex with his sister before he had sex with, he technically wasn't cheating on you, because you and him had not consummated your relationship. But it all depends on how much you want to be with this boy. You are also doing the right thing by keeping his secret. There a lot of people out there who have this same secret. Good luck to you whatever you decide to do, and post back here if you have more questions or more information to share.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2009): I am glad you have decided to break it off with him, if your relationship continued it would have messed you up, big time. in time you will heal and you will survive this. yes, keep his secret secret but also slowly cut off all contact with him(and his sister?) the only reason I am suggesting this is so that you heal and you heal quickly. if you do not him all the time and you are not hanging out with him then it gives you a better chance of healing and moving on faster. you may only be 16/17 but I think you know the difference of right and wrong and you knew that sex between sister and brother is WRONG. so please take time out to mourn the ending of this relationship but remember time heals and you will heal.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your answers. You all had good pieces of advice.I decided to break it off with him, even though I know he was sorry and extremely guilty, I knew that everytime I saw him and his sister together, I would picture them having sex and it would kill me.I've decided that I'm going to keep his secret. He did tell me out of confidence, and even though a good three year relationship is down the drain.. I know there is hope for both of us, and I care enough not to ruin his reputation.I love him deeply still, but he needs to dig deeper into the situation..I just really hope he doesn't look to his sister for comfort sexually..All is well.God blessxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2009): this is only my opinion, you have been given a lot of liberal views here, and each to his/her own.i am of the opinion that people who have sex with either a brother/sister/mother/father are really messed up and need major counselling. do you want to get involved in this something, that you do not even understand or comprehend. i believe that you are still too young to be drawn into this mess. if you having doubts , it is ok. you should not feel bad about your feelings. this situation bet your bg and his sister is out of control .they need professional help . if you stay in this relationship, i believe it will also mess with your head. i am sure you have already been imaging these two doing the deed. it will play in your mind and it will destroy you if you are not careful. You are only 16 yrs old, and you seem to have a good head on your shoulders. i also think you have a fair idea of what if right and wrong, and your moral system/belief i screaming at you and saying, sex between a brother and sister is wrong. then please trust your instinct before you get drawn into the seedy world of incest. please also confide in someone you trust and ask for guidance. i would not want a young, bright girl throwing her life away because she has been given perhaps what i would call jaded advise (meaning giving you a false sense of belief that incest is ok). please think carefully and be honest with yourself. do you want a future with this boy who would run to his sister for comfort and sexual release when things go wrong in his life. because this is what will happen. can you deal with 3 people in this relationship?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2009): I am looking at this from a different angle. He was 13, maybe 14 when y'all had sex the first time? He had sex with his sister a day or so before he had sex with you? (Makes me wonder where the parents of young teens are....)
Incest is a Boundary Issue. Obviously, his family has some serious boundary issues. He told you this in confidence, because he trusted you and he knew you trusted him. He felt guilty for lying to you AND most important - he felt guilty cause he had sex with his sister. That means he knows it was wrong - his issues with boundaries could be worse. I think this young man - and you too if you want - could benefit from counseling from a real professional. A professional that often works with teenagers. I understand your shock and why you backed off - both very appropriate reactions - but I would hate to see a good friendship destroyed over something that took place in a family with issues...
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female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (26 June 2009):
 i know you and this boyfriend have some history together but lets look at the facts. he slept with his sister? this is serious, illegal, and chances are it could happen again.i would really think about this alot before giving him a chance if at all. could you live with the fact u been lied to all your life? what would u do if he sleeps with her again?think about it, its ultimately your choice to weigh this all up, u know him better than we all do.what he did was cruel to you and someone as cruel as that, how could u possibly trust them again?without trust there is no happy relationship.think on it.Good luck
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female
reader, AgonyAuntsAnswers +, writes (26 June 2009):
That is incest, I don't know about what it's like in your country but in Britain for a broher and sister to sleep together it is CRIMINAL and they would definitely go o jail for it. How can someone have sex with their sister? It is disgusting. I'm sorry to hear about what you are going through but you have to work out for youself if you can live with knowing thathe lied to you and even commited INCEST. IF HE TRULY LOVED YOU HE WOULDN'T DO THAT. At the end of the day it's YOUR decision.
I hope you take into account what I have said.
X
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2009): I can't believe people are saying give him another chance. Okay he cheated on you and with his sister, HIS SISTER. That's disgusting and there's a massive chance it will happen again, they live in the same house together and properly have a attraction for each other. I wouldn't take him back
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2009): Well that's a real conundrum, on the one hand, he cheated on you, and with his sister no less! On the other, he felt comfortable enough with you to share this shameful secret. You need to sit down and really think this through, and make a list of key points that you want to discuss - anything you feel you need to ask him/tell him. Then go and talk to him very seriously, keep your list with you when you do this, and remain calm no matter what. Go into discussion openly, really listen to what he has to say and don't make your decision until you have heard him out. If you do decide to end it, be mature. It would probably be better for you not to betray him by revealing this secret to anyone, because the universe dishes out karma to everyone eventually, and this is not something that you want to mess with. Anyone can say that you should stick with him, or that you should dump his butt, but at the end of the day, you are the one who has to live with this decision.Whatever you do, I wish you the very best of luck, and love and hope this is a little helpful for you. :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2009): This is a very tricky situation. The best advice i can offer is to just really sit down and think about it. I know you may feel disgusted because of the newly discovered information, but he does understand it was wrong. I suppose his logic was because they are so close he trusted her to help him. He did not want to disappoint you so he went to extreme measures to make sure he did not. I'm not saying I agreed with this at all, but before knowing this your relationship seemed great [according to you] and people make mistakes. In this case the mistake was large, but still a mistake. If he is trying to fix things he clearly cares for you. He was honest and decided to tell you something horrifying because he cares for you. I am not telling you to forget this ever happened but if you truly care for him and want to attempt to make the relationship work talk to him. Be honest with him like he was honest with you. That is the best advice I can give. I'm sorry if this didn't help, but whatever you choose to do... Good Luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2009): It's entirely up to *you* whether it's a lost cause. If you're too creeped out, then fine, end it.
BUT -- he shared a holy crap serious secret with you, something he wouldn't have done if he didn't trust you big time. Would he have trusted you that much if he didn't really care for you?
That stuff happens. Obviously it isn't talked about a lot because it's such a huge taboo. He's put his reputation, and his sister's reputation, in your hands. He's trusting you with that. That's a big deal -- would he have told you if he didn't care for you, didn't trust you?
Given how huge the taboo is, it's perfectly fair if you can't live with it. But if you did care for him, it might be reasonable for you to keep the secret, even if you can't be with him anymore.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2009): Yes, that sends alarms ringing for me. But he seems hurt by it and regrets it. Hes in love with you and was straight out with you. Its weird that he would go to his sis for experiance but hes beating him self up about it now
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female
reader, love-struckxo +, writes (25 June 2009):
 It's quite understandable to feel the way you do, if this was my boyfriend. I wouldn't even know what to think.It is weird, but brother and sister do practice sexual activity on eachother. It's not something I would engage in, but this definatley isn't the first case I have heard here on Dear Cupid.By the sounds of things it doesn't sound like he was ready to have sex in the first place. A year into your relationship, that's like what grade eight?Way to young, but I won't judge.You have to truly think about this relationship. Take a couple days off from the world and sit back and think about this. Do you think you can look past this? cause if not then you have to break up with him, or can you forgive him for this mistake and move on?It's all up to you, my dear! After you've made up your desicion, then you best sit down and have a talk with him.Can you handle the fact that he has been lying to you this whole time? Is he really who you think he is?If you do decide to get back to him, I think you and him both should take all of your skeletons out of the closet and have no more secrets.Can you brush three years of love under the rug?Take carexxxxxx
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