A
female
age
36-40,
*aisy2U
writes:I'm a smart, intelligent young woman and currently doing a degree in Medicine, I know I am beautiful because I get lots of compliments from both guys and ladies. I do not have any problem attracting guys but I'm so stuck on a particular guy that has no regards for me.I started dating this guy about a year ago; He's not really the average guy I would go for. Do not get me wrong, he's got a successful show biz business and so he gets in contact with a lot of girls. This I did not mind and I tolerated. I trusted him because I was in love with him and thought he felt the same way about me. Until a few months ago, he called me up and told me he's girlfriend in the UK was visiting him. I was completely shocked, (We both in the US) because he never told me he had a girlfriend. He pleaded with me and told me all sort of lies about how he didn't like her, it was me he had stronger feelings for and was only using her for some deal they both had. I took these lies and decided to move on . . . because I knew he wasn't any good for me and my friends also told me I was too good to be treated as trash by a guy. While she was here for about a month, he didn't contact me and I also decided not to contact him, I know the pains I went through during that period, but I scaled through it and decided to move on. About a week after she left, he calls me up and request to see me and I foolishly accept to hang out with him and I don't know how I forgave him and let him back into my life again. Now his gf is coming to visit again next week and would be here for a month. I know its going to be the whole emotional trail again and I’ve allowed this dude take me for a fool and capitalize on the love I have for him.I know this guy is not good for me, I understand that staying with him would only cause me more pain, I want to move on, but the problem is I do not know how to do this, I've tried and it doesn't seem to be working and its really killing me inside. I really need all the help I can get. Thank you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2009): Hi, I know the pain you are going through and I am sorry. I broke up with my boyfriend five months ago after two years of him being my best friend, lover and we also lived together for 7 months.
Although, another woman was not involved in our break up, there have been other women friends in his life and other women he dated after we broke up one time for a month.
So I know how it feels to know about someone else.
As a med student you probably will learn or already know about the stages of grief and there is no way around it, you just have to go through it.
The first thing is to stop all contact with him, don't let him beg and plead, tell him you can't do this any more and you are not going have this relationship on his terms and you are ending it. Do not bother me. And then do it.
It will take you some time to feel better, but don't hold back if you feel like crying. It sucks, but you can't just stuff down your feelings. Try to spend some free time with some people who know you and love you and remember that you do not need this man to be happy.
One word of caution in the future with the next guy, never give all of your heart, your time and energy to a man who hasn't told you he wants a future with you....live your own life, stay on your own path to your goal of finding your happy ever after, and do not get off that path and follow a man around in his confusion. Until he can step up and claim you as the ONE and marriage is on the table, he will not be totally commited to you. Not saying that he would cheat on you, but he can step off this path at any time and break your heart. Men do not see relationships the way women do. He may love you, really like you, he may spend time with you, he may go through milestones like meeting the family, but to him the events in your dating life do not mean the same thing they do to us...never assume he wants to be with you forever until he asks...and until he steps up and puts a ring on your finger. So keep your focus more on you than him and if something doesn't feel good and it has crossed your personal boundary you owe it to yourself and your relationship with him to let him know that, to let him know how you feel and then get back to being you.
It is difficult for us sometimes when we are in love with a man to remember that we have to focus only on ourselves to find the answers. If this doesn't feel good to you, then end it. Men have to know that they can lose you in no uncertain terms if he does not step up and show you what love is.
This is simply not worth it and you know it...get mad not sad for awhile. This has nothing to do with you, this guy is treating you two like trained show dogs.
A
female
reader, midgen  +, writes (25 June 2009):
Hunny, I don't understand how you cant see that he just wants his cake and eat it too. You need to get rid of this guy. He obviously does not care for you at all. He is a player, you say you're a smart woman, then you need to start acting that way cause right now you're not. I'm not trying to demean you at all, I just think that you need to look at yourself and decide if this kind of love torture is worth it. Forget about this man. Give your love to someone who will actually appreciate it, you deserve much better than that.
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