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anonymous
writes:I have fallen for a girl in another city, about 100 miles away, we both drive so I guess its not to much of a issue, the real issues are I work 60 hours a week, she has a ex bf who is always in the picture, she has a 2 yr old. she is 4 years younger than me. It feels a bit like Gavin and Stacey the tv show, and I was just wondering if anyone out there has made a similar situation work or is it all just fantasy from a tv show? Thanks Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe more time goes on the more im falling for this girl, we have only known each other a short space of time, about 6months, we have spoke about a relationship and she is worried about the distance saying she would need me there more often than I could be there with my work, so I think im going to have to just stick with it as friends and see if things can change in her mind, it really sucks, I have not felt this way about someone since my first love. Thanks guys for all your advice its much appreciated and Spanner28 thats a really good phrase, thanks!
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reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 September 2011):
 100 miles is not such a great distance, and all the rest you mention... it's just how life it is for a lot of people. Kids to take care of, overtime to make ends meet, social and family obligations...pretty normal. This will work if you both put in it the effort and the committment to make it work. And of course if you eventually come up with an idea to be geographically closer. No LDR can stay LDR forever.As for the ex bf living close by,that's a trust issue . If you are not totally secure in your relationship, you'd still feel threatened even living together with her. She could have a roving eye and mischief in her mind even if you'd share a studio apartment !, because you could not watch her 24/7 anyway and she still could take up with some other guy. Even by Internet . If a person WANTS to be faithful, he/she will be faithful ,exes or not.
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reader, hannah76 +, writes (12 September 2011):
 Hi,
The distance would be fine for an LDR. Modern cars, trains etc make it easier. Couple of hours drive etc. Adding a little to this, ask yourself if you want to get involved with this psycho ex? He will obviously have rights to see his daughter and would probably try to upset things. That's my only reservation. You would have to try making some sort of friendly working relationship. Maybe see how things go for the moment, don't look at anything long term, just week by week and obviously tell her this as a way forward. See if things develop and how meeet ups work with your work schedule and her schedules. It can work though, but I say start slowly.
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reader, Thelaird1 +, writes (12 September 2011):
 Can you both not agree to meet in the middle and move somewhere neutral? Or if she moves to you in the better area, you can ask family and friends for help with childcare.
You say she doesn't want to be that far from her family and I understand that, but 100 miles isn't that far really. Besides, she is better off as far away from her ex as possible if she is having problems with him.
Only the 2 of you can really decide what your next step in the relationship will be, but something has to give, so a compromise has to be made somewhere.
I really do feel for you both, as I know how tough LDR relationships can be even at the best of times.
Have you discussed the idea of her moving to you between both your families?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone for your words, very_confused, no the father to her daughter is a waste of space but a ex between them is the bigger problem, he just will not leave her alone to be happy, im guessing he has realised what he lost when they broke up and wants it back? he lives on her street aswell which is awkward for me living so far away, I trust her, not him, I should also stress our ages, I am 24, she is 20 next week.
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reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (12 September 2011):
 100 miles? totally doable. we are just now "closing the gap" and my bf is moving down to be with me.... our 100 mile commute every weekend was totally worth it.... we will be together a year the beginning of November.
LDRs work as long as there is trust, honesty, communication, the ability to actually spend time together and a PLAN to end the distance...
as for a 4 year age gap? I scoff at that... My BF is THIRTEEN YEARS YOUNGER than I am... and it's working out just fine...
is the ex boyfriend the father of the 2 yr old? if so he will be in the picture and I suggest developing a working relationship with the man....
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think I should go a bit more into depth, the father of her child is a waste of time and she wont trust him with her alone, both her parents work 6days a week so cant always help out with the child, that means if we want time alone she has to pay a babystitter which is costing near £80 for a full 8hours. I know if we want it to work one of us will have to move, I live in a nice are wheras she is in somewhat of a rough area and has openly admitted she doesnt want her daughter growing up there, but she also said she doesnt want to be that far from her family? The ex is a bit of a psycho and wont leave her alone to be happy.
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reader, Thelaird1 +, writes (12 September 2011):
I met a girl on Facebook 18 months ago and we are going very strong and plan to marry shortly. I am from Liverpool, England and she is from Barcelona, Spain. We maintained a long distance relationship for a while, chatting on webcam via msn or skype every day. This was normality for us for a while, but we needed more.She moved to the UK last year and we now live together and have a baby due in November. I am 34, she is 29. I had children previously from my failed marriage, and she adores my children.When we met, she was living with her husband, as they shared the house they had bought together in Spain. They were separated, but living together for financial and practical reasons, but both led separate lives.He was in a relationship with a girl, but when me and her became serious, he started being awkward and wanting her back. This led to tension and they finally divorced this year.My ex wife, my children's mum is one of my close friends and her and my partner get on really well.Your situation can work. Me and my partner went through a lot of problems, but it worked out great for us. Best of luck to you both. Keep me informed how things go
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2011): 100 Miles away is nothing, i live over 3 hours away from my gf, it will work if you both like each other enough, although one of you will need to be willing to move at some time in the future, yes she has a ex, but she isnt with him, she is obviously just friends with him as the child.
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