A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:my byf cheated on my but says it was a mistake and he really loves me. I wont take him back. Is it possible that someone who is in love with you could cheat on u? i reckon he's lieing about his feelings cus the other girl didnt want him in the end. what do u think? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2007): God, I hope I never end up with a woman like that last responder.
Take some friggin' responsibility for what you do with your own body. Having sex isn't like tripping on the stairs or making the wrong verbal comment. Infidelity doesn't "just happen." Just putting yourself in the position to get away with it in a secret place/time is already something that takes effort & decision making. Let alone doing the act itself.
If we forgive people for infidelity that "just happens" then surely we can also understand that someone might rob a bank or beat someone to death once in a while, right? Sometimes you just do something stupid & impulsive, ya know?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2007): I am with your boyfriend on this one... and I'm a female!I made such a mistake and, as trite as it sounds, it was just that - a mistake. The biggest, most stupid and unquestionably inconceivable mistake I've ever made. And if I could go back and change it I would in a heartbeat. Sometimes, things just go further than what we anticipate. For me, it happened so quickly that I nearly threw up afterwards when I realised what I'd done. I just got swept away in the moment and lost myself. It sounds like an excuse, and it is in a way. Normally I'm so in control but this was just so stupid.If he's truly sorry, consider that he means it. And don't doubt his genuine love for you. I know we've all grown up thinking cheating = mustn't love them enough. But I don't think it is that black and white! My guy has never known about what happened, and never will - that is something I have to live with. But I can tell you this: my love for him now is even stronger than it was before because it took this for me to realise what I risked losing and how truly wonderful he is.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2007):
Love doesn't justify a relationship when there's not enough respect along with it.
We're all capable of loving a lot of people who we should never be in relationships with. I think a lot of people cheat an a lot of people don't, but they rarely ever permanently switch sides of that fence after their teens.
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (23 September 2007):
Sure, a cheater or an abuser or anyone is capable of love. They can feel it, they can have it. But the REAL question is when you are involved in a relationship with someone who does something like cheat, is, is this a healthy loving relationship? in the case of one partner cheating is def not healhty...no matter what the detials are.
so yes your bf may love you, but doesnt mean he is capable of having a healthy relationship.
on the other hand he may be lieing and just syaing that because like you said, the other girl doesnt want him now.
if i was you, i would try to move on from him, you deserve so much more and someone so much better!
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A
female
reader, Butterflyfly +, writes (23 September 2007):
 But loving or being inlove with someone is such a special feeling that would make easy any decision regarding doing intimate stuff with someone else! I believe that if you love someone or even fancy them very much you couldn't just fool around with someone else.. I too think that his actions speak better than his words.. That doesn't make hima bad person just a kinda lostone, so leave him and give yourself the opportunity to get the commitment and all the good things that you deserve and that i'm sure you're capable of yourself, from someone else...
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A
female
reader, sweetlilpeachx69  +, writes (23 September 2007):
all i can say is trust is hard to regain ! personally i would not take him back!simply because its happened to me to many times. but in the end if they do it once they usually do it again . i guess some people like the thrill ! you know seein what they can get away with .
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2007): Yeah he is lying. A guy who truly loves you will not cheat on you in a million years. You are right to not beleive him. Good for you.
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A
male
reader, Dr. John +, writes (23 September 2007):
 If this guy could not be loyal to you right out of the gate how can you depend on anything else he may tell you. His actions definitely spoke louder than his words so listen to them. Doc.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2007): i thinkl that you are so right he dont want you back and gurl you shouldnt want him back because he tryna use you untill the next broad comes along and thats not right no honey go find somebody else okay!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2007): This question is a hard one, and only one that you can decide for yourself....I think it is possible for him to love you and cheat.The real question is why would you want someone who disregards his connection and bond to you, to have a fling with some other woman.....Loving someone is about making a concious choice to love and to BE LOVING to another and to BE WORTHY of love.Your boyfriend demonstrated to you that he does not have that level of committment to you....will he have it in the future? Only you can decide if you are willing to take that chance.From my experience, cheaters are made not born, and this is his choice, to be unfaithful when ever he feels like it, and the only sin is in getting caught....what did you expect him to say, exactly, if he still wanted to keep you around after getting caught?
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A
female
reader, broken babe +, writes (23 September 2007):
 well i dont know your boyfriend but it is possible that if you really love someone sometimes you emotions will just seem to overwhelming but you have a good point if the other girl didnt want him then hes settling for you but well id just wait a awhile and see how hard he tries to get you back if he actually talks about how he feels and exactly why he did it then maybe you should take him back but if he cheats again i would just leave him entirely its up to you
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A
male
reader, jm81690  +, writes (23 September 2007):
 I don't know your situation so I can't give a definate answer, but I'd say no.Cheating on someone is the ultimate slap in the face, I'd never cheat on anyone, and most guys/girls I know who do cheat are in it for lust not love and don't much care about the people they're cheating on.If he made a sober decision to cheat on you, I'd say toss him to the curb.But if he was drunk or something, maybe he just lost sight of things and deserves a second shot.
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A
male
reader, high fidelity +, writes (23 September 2007):
people make mistakes and everyone is human. Sadly its not impossible for that "perfect" couple to exist. But I personally think that if you can find it in your heart to forgive this person and if you truly truly believe he is sorry then give it another shot. If hes stupid you'll see signs of the stupidity. But in the end if you guys do make it through this you will come out stronger. But sometimes theres just no forgetting it. And that can really be the nail in the coffin. Just remember, you forgive the other person for their mistakes for yourself not for them. Really forgiving them will make you feel better. Good luck
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