A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My bf of 2 years just broke up with me with saying, he fell out of love. He tells me this has been going on for a few months and he doesn't think he can recover from it. He was so much in love with me. I was the center of his attention. We talked about marriage, wedding in detail recently. And he would take me everywhere he went and be proud to introduce to me his friends/co workers etc. Lately, things haven't been great but I didn't know it was that serious to where he had a change of heart. No cheating involved here, at least not that I know of and he says, there is no other person in our break up. Says, he still loves me and cares for me greatly and still part of him want me to see him as a man (attraction). But, he fell out of love. He says along the way, we have became more like friends and there was no 'us' anymore. Took him whole day feeling shitty, gone through all the pain, heartache and sadness to reach this decision of breaking up. I asked if there is a room to fix the situation. All he said was, he just don't think he can recover from this yet he would also says, he would think on it more. then, he would say, its done. its best this way. One thing I know def about him is that, he doesn't use his words lightly. once its said, it goes.. he even said cuz he never backed out on his words or change what he already said. it is new and hard to change his way. lastly, when I asked what he need is some space, he says, we both need to breath. And, that was last conversation. Next day, I sent him a text telling him that I was busy focused to fix the situation and wasn't being true to myself (I too was unhappy the time he was disconnecting) and ignore to see the reality. I too need to find and be sure where my heart is. and we def needs some time away from each other. and that I wish not to see him anytime soon (we have some buz matter to take care of). Perhaps, month or so I will get in touch with him. This is where things are at now. I don't think there is another person involved in our break up,,, when someone falls out of love... can it be revived? I don't know how I would be or feel a month or so down the road. but right now, if I want this relationship back, would there be any possibility?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 December 2013):
 Sounds like he liked the FANTASY of marriage more then the possibility of reality.
chin up honey.
It's nothing YOU did.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so much for all your comments. Just to add some information what was asked in one of the comments. From the beginning of our relationship. He have said, he is made be a husband. When we were talking about the marriage. He was all for it and was excited. He would go on and on about how he wants to have my family's traditional wedding. And would search online of the video clips of the traditional wedding. And have talk to his friends/co workers about it and the traditional wedding. And, ask me to find a ring so he can start making arrangement to get it. But, I've noticed a change. About a month later, when I talk to him about the rings that I've looked. I felt, he wasn't in on the conversation. He was being respondent but not really in on it. So, I stopped looking and never talked bout it again. It is just so hard to accept how one can fell out of love so instant. I say this because, according to him things changed about 4 months ago and that is about the time (give it a month or so more or less) he bought me a car, he co-signed and makes the payments. We aren't in our young age where this was done heat of the moment or by excitement of buying me a new car. Buying a car let alone co-signing is a huge commitment. He even said so himself. I am in process of an acceptance that he is gone for good. As much as I want to have us back, I am not confident that, things can be normal after the damages been done. Although, he tried his best to soften the blow. His body movement was so cold and so distant. During the conversation, there was a moment where comforting was due, so, I went for a kiss on the lips. He reciprocated but there was no soul or emotions.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (15 December 2013):
 Anything is possible but I think he has told you the truth...he wants to end things. You just need time to accept that it's over.
Do not assume that you can do anything to save the relationship because you can't.
Focus on giving yourself time to grieve and then move on.
As another aunt said, in time you may become friends again but for some, that can be too bittersweet.
As horrible as break ups are, they are a part of life and most of us go through them. I am sorry you are going through this x
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A
female
reader, MissTellAll +, writes (15 December 2013):
 I think the anonymous reader below is right. Some people don't know how to handle it whenever the novelty, the spark has dwindled with time. It's a sign of emotional immaturity. A relationship is supposed to become something of a tight friendship, with that attraction that separates platonic and romantic relationships. You're partner is supposed to be that person with you facing the world together, not always some deity which you put on a pedestal. The fact that he said he doesn't think "there's an 'us' anymore" shows a bit of an emotional block.I wouldn't say it is completely impossible for you two to get back together- but I don't think it would be in your best interest, unless there is a complete change of heart there. You need to be with someone who wants a commitment, and understands what that word MEANS. He may have been talking about a wedding and things of that nature, but was he wanting to be married, or have a wedding? There's a difference. People who need constant newness may suggest things like that to try to revive their need for change, quench their fear of stagnancy. They don't think of the actual meaning of being married.Your best bet in my opinion? Cut ties. Let the wounds heal. Give it a few months, and maybe you can be friends again. There's nothing wrong with that, but you can't do it immediately because it's too fresh. Maybe it will make him realize how much of an integral part of his life you are. Maybe it will lead you both to seeing you're best without each other. Only time will tell. The most important thing is to let it breathe.Best of luck to you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 December 2013):
I don't know if it can be revived, some people think a break can help - distance makes the heart grow fonder - personally I don't believe needing breaks to make a relationship work.
I would give him his space. And yourself.
Just don't fall into the FWB type thing that often happen when one person still is in love and the other is horny and want something familiar.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2013): Novelty is gone and he doesn't feel passion anymore. This is what happens to people who are always looking for romance. They have a hard time committing to anyone becauseof this constant search for excitement.
I think you are better of without him.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (15 December 2013):
 Highly unlikely. To keep trying would be to aggravate him and prolong your own suffering.
No contact is probably the best thing you can do right now. Give yourself time to grieve and regroup.
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