A
female
age
51-59,
*quidgy bum
writes:can someone please give me some advice on my failing marriage.we have being together for 17years and for the past 5years there has being no sex or real affection shown to me ,i have tried changing my apperance loosing weight but nothing seems to work. we are more like siblings living together. i dont want to stay just for the sake of the children,i have got a lot more living in me and i do not want to do it alone squidgey bum. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (4 August 2007):
 Lots of people use the excuse that they stay together for the sake of the children but if you are that unhappy then your children will know it. At your age, I am guessing your children will be older and able to comprehend what is happening. If you wish to save your marriage then I am sure you know it takes two people and that means a commitment to change from him too. I am not suggesting you leave him just yet but it seems your issues have been festering for a couple of years and drastic action is required. Marriage counselling is one option but open communication either between yourselves privately as a couple or with a professional present is the key to resolving this one way or the other. If you cannot talk to him about how you feel and what you want, and also hear his side of the story then there isnt much of a marriage left to rescue.
A
female
reader, jennlgoff  +, writes (4 August 2007):
Hello, I just wanted to give you alittle advice or help, 17 years is along time! I know what you mean when you say you live together like siblings, I have the same problem! Do you guys fight alot?and if so, Is it over the kids? I think that you should tell him that you are trying hard to make him notice you again. Let him know that you are at that point in your life where you need to know where you're heading and if hes heading that road with you! I hate to say this but, 5 years of no affection is not a good thing! Every woman needs to have affection so, You should let him know that you are feeling neglicted! please write me back! I would love to talk more about this!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2007): i have been going through the same thing...we are going to go to marriage counselor to see if they can make things work out...if not it's either stay together and be misrable or get a divorce...life's too short.
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A
female
reader, girlwhoneedshelp +, writes (4 August 2007):
 All I can really tell you is that I think you should sit down and have a really good talk with your husband. He must have his own thoughts on the whole thing. I know you've been together a long time but if you can't sort things out through counselling or talking then I think you should think about divorce. You're right about staying for the sake of the children, this isn't a good idea. After all your children will be able to realise one day that there parents don't want to be with eachother and this could have some dammaging affects. You're still young and have plenty of time to find some space for yourself and your children and maybe you could meet someone else who will make you feel how you want! I hope I haven't upset you by what I've said but the choice is yours to decide how you want to handle the situation. But be comforted by knowing that you won't be the only woman in this situation!
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