A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My male co worker refuses my help with at work. I don't really ask him if he needs help but if I walk by him he will wait for about 5 or 10 minutes until someone else comes along. It's really simple things too, like can I help watch his class or help him with a student. If I do offer help he rides and very standoffish and say he doesn't need it. But then turn around ask for help from someone else lol. It's the weirdest thing. It shouldn't bother but I find it annoying, can someone explain his behavior.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 May 2015):
 My guess is he is uncomfortable with asking you, because you are "newer", younger or because you are a female.
Leave him be, if he won't ask you for help, THAT is on him.
I'd say be professional and STOP offering to help.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (22 May 2015):
 Why bother? Just ignore him
You tried to be nice, he's not reciprocating, don't give it a second thought. Some people are just plain weird and there's no point wasting your time trying to decipher them.
Unless of course you like him or you think he might like you, which is why you are asking this question in the first place.
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (22 May 2015):
 You sound like a kind person for wanting to help him, so kudos on that.
To answer your question, more information about your working relationship with this guy would be helpful - are you close in age? Do you get along? Do you have similar teaching styles? Have there been any interpersonal problems between you in the past? How well do you know each other?
That said, while I'm not a teacher there are two things I personally consider when asking someone for help or accepting help at work.
- Does the person do work that meets the standards I set for my own work? I don't want to try and micromanage someone who believes they are doing me a favor, because most people rightfully don't appreciate that sort of thing. Nor do I want part of a project with my name on it done in a way I wouldn't stand behind, because I will be the one the supervisor critiques for it. "So and so helped me" is not a valid excuse, because it not only sounds like I'm trying to avoid responsibility for my actions but also throws the would-be helper under the proverbial bus. The best way to avoid this situation is to avoid getting into it in the first place.
- Is the person going to turn the fact they helped me with something into - for lack of a better word - drama? My particular workplace is more than a little gossipy and I don't want my acceptance of help with something turning into "She's too lazy to finish her own tasks" or "She didn't know how to do ______ herself," both of which I have seen happen before to others who did ask for or accept help from the gossips. I know that the people who gossip in front of me will also gossip ABOUT me, and I make sure I never give those specific people an opportunity to say those things about me.
(If I'm undecided about someone, I'll err on the side of doing things myself until I get to know them better.)
I am not saying your coworker has any justification for feeling this way, but it's possible he has an impression of you as someone from whom he wouldn't want to accept help. Or he simply doesn't know you well enough to have a good reading on what you're like, and is being cautious.
Keep being friendly and kind and competent, though, and he's bound to come around eventually.
Hope this helps. Good luck and best wishes!
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A
female
reader, jojo7536 +, writes (22 May 2015):
Either he really doesn't like you or maybe he feels uncomfortable around you. Do you know him at all? have you ever talked to him before? bc if you have never talked to him before, it could be that he doesn't really know you so he feels weird asking you for help. If you have talked to him before, maybe he is weirded out by you or could be crushing on you but is too shy to talk to you.
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