A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:OK, probably people are gonna think I'm too rigid and old fashioned, but I honestly don't get how two people who get divorced can remain "close friends."I mean, when I have broken up with someone, it was because we had terrible conflicts where we could not find common ground. I mean, I was never married, but I could imagine how if I ever had been married to this person, I would NEVER be close friends with them after the union was dissolved. I mean, the whole reason we broke up was because we could not get along in the first place!I understand if there was a child involved we would have to remain in contact. But close friends? NEVER!Is this a silly modern excuse or what??Thanks.
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (13 November 2011):
 I'm the opposite to you. How can you kiss and hold and have sex with a person and then all of a sudden turn round and hate them and never see them again. In my community people who do this are seen as strange. It's like you can't keep friends or something, or once people date or have sex with you, they find you so disgusting that they never want to see you again. Amongst my friends and family, our parties are filled with ex husbands, ex wives, their partners, their children, their ex partners ex -partner.... My parents divorced badly nearly 30years ago, but now they are best friends. My ex came yesterday, my other ex has his girlfriend send food over for me. My cousins ex and her new baby from a different guy have space in our family. My other cousin has been best friends for over 30 years with the woman who stole her first boyfriend and her sons father.My friends and family believe in love and community. You may not be able to stay with a guy for whatever reason, but that doesn't mean you have reason to hate him. Personally people who have problems with ex-partners, in my humble opinion, suffer issues with jealousy, possessiveness and inadequacy.But it does take all sorts to make the world. I couldn't ever go out with a jealous person. They must take me, and any ex partners that I have in my life. If they don't have ex-partners who are friendly, I must admit that I will take this as a hint that they are not right for me, because if we ever finish, they will dump me and I will never be able to speak for them again.It's not a modern thing, it's just how your brought up and the values your taught to look up to.
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (13 November 2011):
 My own parents were married 10 years, then when I was 6 they decided to just be friends. They're very good friends still and talk every day and hang out. Like Jmtmj said, compatible as friends, but not as husband and wife.
I'm sure if there was a terrible conflict somehow that it would be impossible. But if people part ways amicably, I don't see why they can't remain friends. I'm still friends with some of my ex-boyfriends, it's not so different.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (13 November 2011):
 I have a cousin who married but later realized that he was gay. They parted friends (no children involved), and have remained good friends for 30 some years since. So I've seen that it's possible, albeit uncommon.
If both sides realize they made a mistake but value what brought them together in the first place it can happen.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (13 November 2011):
 People can be compatible as friends, but not compatible as lovers. If its possible to come to that realization, separate without burning that friendship bridge... then as mature adults, if a working friendship is worth saving and capable of salvaging... then why not?
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