A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How do you become sexually attracted to the guy you want to marry? We have been together for 4 years, and things are perfect, yet i am not physically attracted to him, and sex feels wrong. I want to fix this, and feel it is all in my head. What can i do? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2008): You may want to fix this, but no, it's not all in your head. You don't have sexual 'chemistry' with your would-be-fiancee. SorrySorry, but that's something you can't just want to happen - it does or it doesn't, and you can't change it if it does/doesn't; there's a reason that aphrodisiacs are a myth - they claim to create sexual attraction where not existed before, and that just doesn't happen or there would be a verified product, with MILLIONS of satisfied customers.Sex will *always* feel wrong when you're having it with a partner to which you're not attracted; your just not into it. This won't change, and will only get worse as you one day WILL meet a man who does ring your bells, and when that happens, you'll have a tough time dealing with the strongly conflicting feelings of lust and loyalty.
A
female
reader, Misguided  +, writes (2 October 2008):
Being physically attracted to someone is part of loving them. Ask yourself why you are with him to begin with? Why start a relationship with a man you aren't attracted to? Fireworks will never go off with out that initial spark hun. Then ask yourself why you are continuing this relationship? What kind of marriage will you have with a man who you don't want touching you? Sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is jut ask "Why". You might already know the answer, you just might not want to admi it to yourself. Good luck my dear.
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A
female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (2 October 2008):
 Part of a healthy marriage is the physical relationship which helps foster intimacy and a general "connection" with your partner. If you do not have these feelings of attraction (or chemistry) in the beginning phase of a relationship I don't think they necessarily grow over time. My experience has been that they fade over time if anything. So, if you want a healthy sexual relationship with this man you are about to marry and do not feel it is there, you should question this just as seriously as any other consideration in the compatibility area. I know there are marriages with no sex where that works for both parties but typically, the case is that it doesn't work for one or the other party and the marriage inevitably breaks down. Four years is a long time to be with someone and not have felt over the moon for them by now.
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A
female
reader, Bobbyjo  +, writes (2 October 2008):
 I dont think you should be marryinig him if there is no attraction there. Usually, couples start out in the lust phase where they cant keep their hands off one another, this may then turn to love if the connection is right. Then they get married. Are u saying you have never felt phsically attracted to him or have your feelings faded over the last 4 years? Something is definitely wrong here. How you can seriously consider marrying someone who having sex with doesnt feel right? You need to be honest with yourself. You dont love this guy, if you did you would enjoy sleeping with him and would feel attracted to him. Perhaps he has a great personality or he makes you feel safe and secure, which is great, but marrying someone is agreeing to spend your life with another person and therefore they should tick all your boxes. If you end up marrying someone who isnt right for you then you will only regret it in the long run and will cause some serious heartache for yourself and him.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (2 October 2008):
 Good luck with that because I expect a few people have been there before and haven't figured that one out yet, but hopefully some have, and I will be waiting for the answer from them along with you!
C xxxxx
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