A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Im stuck in a relationship rut and I dont know whether to end it, ask for a break or try and make it work.for some time now ive felt that my boyfriend doesnt put any effort into the relationship. there are many reasons why i think this:1.hes only affectionate when i ask him to be2.he never compliments me3.he doesnt call or text me4.he doesnt do things for me without me askingthere are more but i dont want to babble on.anyway we recently had an argument where he told me i dont give a crap about him ... however i do everything for him! i ended up leaving the house and then went back a few days later to talk things through but he just didnt want to listen.i feel as though he knows he can treat me however he wants and know ill stay.the confusion is that i dont know if its just me overreactingand im not sure that ending it will do any good?plus all of our friends are mutual friends and im scared that ill lose a lot of them if i break up with him.ive spent the past two years with him and im scared of beig alone again and having to move back home etc.sorry its so long ... there is plenty more but i dont want to carry on and bore you all!! any help will be appreciatedthanks!!
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (29 March 2010):
 It seems like you have a long lists of complains and criticisms against him. You have an insatiable demand from him.No wonder he is acting that way towards you .
Should you not try to focus on his good points and give him praises and compliments instead . So that he will be the person whom you want him to be.
Perhaps , you may need to look at yourself in the mirror and see where you have been wrong.Take a good hard look at yourself . See what are the things you can change about yourself.
If you want things to improve, you need to change yourself first.
If you are in the rut, you need to do something and be the mover.
A
female
reader, EbonyBlossom  +, writes (29 March 2010):
 He doesn't care about you at all and being with him is just wasting time that you could be spending with someone who actually wants to be with you. Anyway, you leaving may come as a shock to his system and he might (?) learn his lesson, so even though you two shouldn't be together, he won't treat his next girlfriend as bad.
Don't let yourself get used because it's a trap that's so easy to get into and really hard to get out of. If you get used and abused and then he ends it with you, then you might end up in the same situation with somebody else. If you leave him now, it'll be a lesson in being a strong person and people will have more respect for you, and you'll probably find a really nice guy who appreciates your strength of character =]
As for your friends, if they can't see how you're being used or they think he's being a good boyfriend then they're not worth it either, as they're probably gonna treat you the same way. But if they're worth holding on to then they won't have a problem with your breakup =]
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2010): It sounds as if the rut you talk about isnt making you happy but you dont want to leave it because youre scared. As you are finding, its not possible to really change your bf into the sort of guy you can be happy with. Neither should you try. The art is to find someone you are compatible with, not take any guy and try and make them fit your idea of what you want. It doesnt work like that. Hes seems fine with how he is and although you complain, you never leave...so he doesnt take much notice of what you say. If he did, he would change things to make you happy. There really is only one thing you can do, if you dont want to waste any more time being unhappy. And that is to be brave, climb out of the rut and leave.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (29 March 2010):
 The 1 2 3 4 you mentioned may be effortless in the dating stage, but now he's taking you for granted. While you can only hope he does those things without starting and argument, I can tell you that most men gets so comfortable having a stable partner they don't want to be the dog that stands on its hind legs forever. He's treating you what he feels is fair. He lives with you=he loves you. He's not straying= he loves you. He has sex with you=he loves you. He's spending part of his income with you=he loves you. He does things for you when you ask him=he loves you. He's not in a good mood, So I'll answer the questions for him.1. He can't read your mind. You have to be straight forward to get what you want.2. Living with you is enough proof how much he values you to be with you.3. He's not a phone guy or a text guy. He sees you at the end of the day. 4. Again he can't read your mind. He's stressed out already. He wants you to give him a massage instead.He sounds like a pretty normal guy to me. Better than a needy guy or a jealous, possessive guy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2010): Why would you have to move back home? Get your own place. You know you can't be with this man just because you dont want to be alone. Of course he will take you for granted and act like you will always be there no matter how he treats you! Because you even said so yourself, you are afraid of leaving him, you dont want to be alone, you might loose some friends.
Trust me, if the friends are good friends, they will not leave you just because the relationship didn't work out. Some times, relationships just don't work out. That doesn't mean one of you is the bad guy, it just means it wasn't the best for you.
You are afraid you will be more miserable without him than you are when with him. You are scared because you are so young and have been with him for 2 years already, and barely know how to live life ALONE. ON YOUR OWN. Well it is time to grow up and take that big step into the unknown and deal with life the way it is. Stop hiding behind a boyfriend you don't really want to be with.
Here's a quote that helped me when I faced a tough decision like yours: "Don't waste time being miserable with someone you think you can't live without or you will be miserable missing the one you should have been living with!" It's good advice.
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