A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So me and my girlfriend first started going out almost a year ago now. Although, it’s been very far from perfect. At first, as it is with most relationships I imagine, it was great. I thought it was perfect. But time went by, and we began to see the flaws in eachother. She first cheated (about three months into our relationship) on me by kissing some guy she knew from when she was young. But that’s all they did, just hold hands and kiss. She said it was a mistake, and it would never happen again, and I forgave her. Of course, it was very very hard to accept. I would always look back, and I still do, and think of it till it hurt. This was when our relationship first started getting bad. I wouldn’t have the same trust with her again. She always assured me that she wouldn’t do it again. But our relationship was rocky and we “fake” broke up several times, and always would get back together. During these breakups, she would hook up with guys and then when she came back to me, she would explain that we were broken up. She never had sex with these guys but it got a little sexual in these hookups to the point of her getting fingered and felt up. She even had a boyfriend for 3 days during one of our breakups. But every time she comes back to me, she seems truly sincere and like she really loves me. And I always loved her but there were many times when I wanted out too. But I always ended up wanting her back. So we would get back together, but I gave her a hard time about all these hookups quite frequently because it hurt to think about them. Just a few weeks ago we broke up again because she said she didn’t love me anymore and it was better to end it instead of just pretending. I took it pretty hard like I did in all my past ones but this time was a little different. I didn’t miss her nearly as much as all the other times but I still felt like I wanted her back. But this break up was more serious than our other ones. We didn’t talk at all for two weeks and I thought it was really over. I recently found out that just last week, she was kissing a co worker of hers. Then a few days ago she began talking to me saying that she’s sorry for everything and she knows she’s fucked up many times but she wants to start fresh because she knows that she wants “us” to work. She just wants to focus on our future, leaving the past behind us. Part of me believes her still and I feel like I’ll try again.The way I often find myself viewing it as is: since we’ve started going out, she’s “hooked up” with 6 other guys while I’ve stayed completely faithful. How can she possibly tell me that she promises it won’t happen again.I guess my question is has anyone else been in a relationship where such things have occurred but it managed to be recovered? Like it ended up being a great “faithful” relationship. Or is it impossible with girls like the one I managed to fall for? Am I just wasting my time and emotions?
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (28 March 2009):
 I'm sorry to say this but you need to move on, she will never change and you will end up getting hurt time and time again.
She cheated on you only 3 months into the relationship - the honeymoon period should last at least a year! This girl clealy cannot be faithful and enjoys the attention from other men - this wont stop any time soon! You have put up with too much already and I dont think you should go back for more, she has had her chances and blew it. Dont fall for the whole "I've changed, I promise I wont do it again" speech because a few months down the line, some guy will start flirting with her, and she will be so flattered she wont be able to turn him down. She might love you, and I think she probably does, but she loves male attention more than she loves you I'm afraid.
You deserve more than this - you have put so much into this relationship and you are getting nothing back from her but pain and hurt. If you are constantly breaking up and getting back together all the time then clearly this relationship isnt working; if you cant be together and work through your problems without breaking up then you are not right together.
You said that the last time you broke up you didnt miss her as much as the last time - this shows that she has probably hurt you one too many times and you are starting to move on. I think you need to build on this - you can just forget about her and stop letting her play games with you. You need to tell her that this is the last time she is going to hurt you and that it is over for good. Try not to contact her and just get your own life back on track. You will soon find that it wont hurt as much and you dont want her back.
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2009): From what I am reading I think you are putting all the effort into this relationship. I think that as long as she knows that you will continue to take her back then she will keep doing this to you. It doesnt sound to me like this girl is ready to settle down with you by any means. If she was truly in love with you then during those "break ups" she would never have been able to even think of another man, she would have been too devistated. I think you need to move on and find someone who is more on the same level as you. It sounds to me like you are too good for this girl and she doesnt deserve you! Good luck to you.
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