A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm so afraid that if people that I think of as my true friends were to find out what I had done, that they would be let down or disappointed in me. I'm afraid that they might think I'm a bad person. Maybe I'm wrong and just listening to fear.A friend from college is really upset with me for something nasty I said about his girlfriend, and he says that we'll always be friends but that he'll never trust me again. I don't LOVE him like I used to, but at one point, I did. In November, he and his (now ex) girlfriend broke up, and he sent me an email telling me how much he needed and cared about me and made it sound like he really wanted a relationship with me. He told me that he couldn't wait because he needed a companion in person and asked me to go to back to Mexico, where he lives. (Back when he was with his ex,by the way, I made plans to go to Spain to study, and I'm still going later this year. I wanted to go back to Mexico but if I had done that then I would have had to give up my trip to Spain and who knows when I'd have another chance.) I wrote him a few times but never heard back and then a few weeks ago I found out he got a girlfriend (I looed at his facebook site).It makes me angry because I noticed he wrote several messages on her Facebook and ignored my emails. Not only do I feel "led on," ever since he got a girlfriend he puts her up on a pedestal, but frankly, he treats his friends like s***. I made a nasty comment about the fact that he ignores his friends now and I said, "Maybe I should run around half naked like ____ and you'd start paying attention to me again."I don't even think I really love him anymore. I just feel sad because he threw me away like garbage and that was okay to do, and he's treated me like S*** on a number of occasions and I forgave him. Ever since he got the girlfriend, he's treated me like a pest that needs to be gotten rid of, even before I said all those things. I made one false move and he put me out in the cold like a stray dog that bit the baby. I have been sad lately (about some family problems, but I can't get into that now) and I told this friend of mine (whom I'll call Fulano) and he refuses to comfort me. He says he's still my friend, but lately I've been feeling sad and lonely and really need him and he's not there for me. He can write on her facebook wall every day, though. He's been cold even before I made that comment and now he shuts me out completely. It's like he's thrown me away like garbage.I feel like I'm right to be angry with him for being a hypocrite and leading me on but what scares me is that I worry that if my other friends knew, that they might think I'm bad or be disappointed in me. Sometimes I feel like I'm insincere because people think I'm a good person and I have all this anger. I don't think this boy is right for me but it makes me feel inferior that some other girl is chosen, some other girl is always the girlfriend. People say I'm not, but I look at all the other happy couples and that void in my life makes me crazy. I want someone to share my life with and I want to be loved and my friend made out like he could provide those things for me. It's not like I'm just jealous that he's in a relationship, I feel like he led me on and he was inconsiderate of my feelings and now he's bent out of shape because he says I was rude.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2009): My heart is breaking but I can take an honest answer, though.
I didn't mean to hurt him, but it makes so me so angry that this guy was rude and disrespectful to my feelings and I forgave him and now he's turned his back on me bc I said something rude. Part of me wants to tell him that I didn't mean to hurt him and I don't think it's pride it's just anger because I feel like he abused me and I'm so afraid he'll do it again.
Thanks for listening to me... it means a lot to me :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2009): It was really nice of you to listen and write your answers. I wish I could do something nice for you.
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A
female
reader, Tigerlily +, writes (28 March 2009):
Hi sweetie. People can be so cruel. It's a mean trick of fate sometimes that when we need comfort and reassurance the most is when people will run away from us the most. It really hurts, I know. But you need to let it go. This man obviously does not value your friendship or care about your heart, so he does not deserve to be in your life. You deserve to be treated better than that. I'd dump him off my facebook account if he's causing you this much angst.
Honestly it sounds like what he did to you was way worse than the snarky comment you made about his new GF. I don't think your friends will hold it against you. What you need to do is forget about this dumb guy, center yourself and fill that void you speak of with joy in your own life. Make yourself whole and happy... and then you will attract a wonderful man who will value you.
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