A
female
age
51-59,
*amantha900
writes:I have been married for 15 years and have a 12 year old daughter. On October 1, 2008 my husband told me that he was confused about everything, including our relationship. He asked for help to go to counseling. We started immediatly. Since (2 weeks) then he has opened up to me and told me about his painful childhood which I already knew but thought it didn't bother him. He also has been under trememdous stress with his job (mortgage industry). He said that he doesn't know if he loves me anymore and something is missing in our marriage. He also said he is not loving anyone including himself. I swears there is no one else. He is going through a bit of mid life crises also. We are sleeping in the same bed and we don't fight and our household has always been and still is peaceful. He is only openin up to me and the counselor. I am trying to be a friend but this is difficult for me. Can someone please help me. Can our marriage be saved? What is wrong with him? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, previasc96 +, writes (17 October 2008):
He needs you now more than ever! you need to stick by him 110%. Let him know that he is a wonderful father and husband... do things to make him feel appreciated.
A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (16 October 2008):
 Your husband just sounds burned out. Things are difficult as it is with the banks/money crash and then there's his own job which is giving him added stress. He's probably finding it difficult to meet targets etc (same in the UK with the mortgage industry, only 1 house a week is selling) so this will be on his mind. He's meant to be the protector, the bread winner in the household you see and he probably feels a bit of a failure. Let him know how good he makes you feel and how lucky you are as a family to have each other but don't put any pressure on him at all at this time, just plenty appreciation.
You need to be there for him at this time and give him lots of reassurance, boost his ego and tell him how much you appreciate him even for the little things he does. It's all too easy to take each other for granted. Don't be put off by him telling you he doesn't love you, he's just confused and unsure of everything right now. Plenty of cuddles in bed won't go a miss either for now. His childhood issues are of course an added problem and they may have been labouring him and holding him down for years. I'm glad everything is at last out in the open and I'm sure with time and the counsellor's help you'll come through it and be stronger than ever. Remember this: "Behind every strong/good man there's an even stronger/better woman." (winks)
~Eve~
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2008): Dear Poster
I can understand that you are concerned; but I think, you really should be very grateful that your husband is trying to work trough all his issues with you; maybe you should also take advantage of the opportunity and do some introspection;
HOWEVER
I suggest you value this man; treat him with lots of RESPECT and give him lots of TLC (tender loving care);
Good luck; best wishes and keep SMILING.
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A
female
reader, samantha900 +, writes (16 October 2008):
samantha900 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI want to thank everyone for your responses and sound advice. You have lifted my spirits today and helped me realize that I need to be strong. Please pray for my family.
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A
female
reader, Full moon temptress1 +, writes (16 October 2008):
It sounds to me you've got a diamond of a fella there.Instead of running into someone elses arms, he talks to you and wants to get the problem sorted out.Continue counselling as this should help,and keep fighting for that realationship.It still sonds like you've got alot of mileage left in it.Take care.xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2008): I think you are making a very wise choice by going to a marriage counselor. At this point, there isn't enough information to determine what is wrong with him. He could be very depressed? I mean, stress/depression go hand in hand. At least he is being honest with his feelings to you, rather than trying to hide them. Just try to keep being his friend, and be open to him, when he wants to talk, let him talk and listen. Let him know that you love him and care and are there for him. There really isn't much else you can do until you get to the bottom of the problem. Good luck sweetie, just hang in there ok? As long as he continues to talk and see the counselor, I'm sure there will be a break through.
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