A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I joined an online dating site a few months ago. The first thing you need to know is that I'm currently living abroad. When I joined the site, my plan was to move back to the U.S. At the beginning of next year. But, things have happened since then that have led me to decide that I need to stay one year longer. I decided to not renew my membership, which expires in a few months or so. Then, next thing I know, I'm communicating with someone on the dating site. He's been a surprise. We've exchanged some emails and seem to communicate really well, which doesn't often happen for me.In my last email I've opened up a discussion about long distance dating with him. I told him that despite being countries away, I would like to continue communicating. I'm awaiting his reply, but would like some advice.What advice can you give for long distance relationships where you can't meet face to face for at least 4-5 months? With my job, vacation time is restricted to a certain time frame. And I have no idea if he'd be able to travel so far if he wanted to take our relationship to the next level, but it's clear that we can't meet in person very often. It would just be too expensive. Advice? Can a LDR like this survive?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (31 August 2015):
 Well until you MEET it's not a relationship in the truest sense of the word but yes if all you can manage is once or twice a year on a TEMPORARY basis then it' can work.
But you can't sustain it for long. LDRS have to have ONE goal which is to NOT be LDR... but rather be "real life"
Once you meet and determine if you have enough chemistry to give a real relationship a goal, then you can make a decision.
Until you meet, do NOT make any promises... do not accept any long term plans or declarations of feelings or intent...
until you meet it's all fantasy.
ONCE you meet IRL,. then you can decide if you want to continue LDR temporarily and make your plans to move to be together.
A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (31 August 2015):
 Well let's get real. You haven't got a date, you've got a pen pal. Take it for what it is, and, who knows what may occur in the future?
If you haven't even met face to face it's simply not the same as a couple with a well established relationship being apart for a while.
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A
female
reader, MSA +, writes (31 August 2015):
 I don't understand this all or nothing theory people have.
Why must be commit to a LDR with him now? Why is it not possible to just continue conversation and getting to know each other until you get to meet face to face in 4-5 months?
Whether you or him treats this relationship as an exclusive one is up to you... and will speak volumes of how this guy is.
So I suggest just take it easy and slowly until you both meet.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2015): It can, since military couples have to do it, but it's not common unless the (countries) gap won't be for long. There's always video chatting and phone calls, so it may be worth a shot.
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