A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been having some friendship insecurities lately. Although I tell myself it's silly and to just let it go, it seems to be hard to do so...So a few years ago I had a wonderful group of friends, and we all spoke pretty much daily. Granted, we were all single ladies that enjoyed going out, but we also often had nights in cooking dinner together and just talking.Two years ago I met my boyfriend, and we have had a great relationship. Of course not perfect, but very healthy and mature. He has a toddler so we have really grown together and realized our lives have taken on a completely new meaning. We have a child in our lives, one that we both love with everything. We only have his son every other weekend, so on our off weekends we still hang out with friends.One night I introduced one of my closest friends to my neighbor. I have heard and even seen how she can be manipulative and really only does things that are beneficial to her, but she had always seemed like a decent friend to me. Well, they hit it off. To the point where they constantly leave me out. My initial girlfriend still reaches out to me, but I barely ever see her without my neighbor. And honestly, with what I've seen of my neighbor, I've lost a lot of respect for her. She came to my boyfriends sons birthday party, never said a word to us, not even happy birthday to him, but sat in the corner with her arms crossed, only spoke to my friend, and left with her 30 min into the party. Although I know I shouldn't put so much effort and energy into someone who has made it clear they are not a good friend, I'm still struggling. I now live about 30 min away from all my other friends, and barely hear from them these days. I'm guessing it's because I'm in a serious relationship while the majority of them are still single, and that we have a two year old every other weekend. But that doesn't mean I don't miss them!! And then feeling left out really makes me feel sad lately. I feel like one of my closest friends has left me out, and I often feel alone. My boyfriend is very supportive, and I know this is making me insecure and I don't want it to affect our relationship.Does anyone have advice as to how to not let this hurt anymore? Or how to not feel so insecure that I don't have friends? I miss girl time with those that I know really love me....thank you
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2015): Life changes and you change; therefore, friendships or relationships change. You were not always going to be the "Sex In The City" type of girlfriends. Everyone is interrupted by life. So were they in many episodes.
All you can do is reach out to them when you can. Learn to accept things as they are, and not try to bring back the past. That may never happen. You may be discovering for the first time; that these women were not the friends you thought they were in the first place. We tend to overlook a lot of things when we truly care for people. We often assume they value us as much as we value them. Sometimes they envy our relationships, our accomplishments, or they sense our judgment when they don't do things as we think they should. That will change the dynamic of a friendship quickly.
In such situations, the best thing to do is let that old friendship fade-away. If they don't put as much effort into it as you do; you're wasting your time and feelings.
You simply move on, and enjoy the novelty of making new friends; and finding others who share more in-common. Start your own book club, take a cooking class, or take yoga. This will expose you to new people, a shared interest, and improve your skills and creativity. You will miss them less, and you will start a new chapter in your life.
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