A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My ex-boyfriend is amazing. I know it sounds weird since he's my ex, but that's it's own story. Anyway, I've been going through some incredibly tough times lately, and I really need someone close by to talk to. I can't handle everything alone. And all my closest friends live 2500 miles away (I moved cities for school).When he was my boyfriend, this guy told me to call on him whenever I needed him. He said he wanted to be the guy I could come to when it felt like my world was caving in. Everything seemed alright in my life, though, so I never had to lean on him. A few months later we broke up, but he swore he still wanted to be my friend. I believe him because he regularly texts me to see how I'm doing.My question is: is it still appropriate to turn to this guy in my time of need?
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female
reader, chocoholicforever +, writes (2 December 2011):
I don't think it's a good idea. Sooner or later one or both of you will get into new relationships with other people. Then this "confidante" relationship you have with each other would likely be an offense to those new partners. And if whoever is the first to get a new partner then cuts back on the closeness of this relationship in order to protect their new relationship, the other may get hurt or offended at being "cast aside". So I feel it's better to just respect the new boundaries of your changed relationship status, from the beginning.
A
female
reader, tyra  +, writes (1 December 2011):
galfriend,you're not alone. Been down the same road too. And it turned out that me and him ended up getting back together more than FOUR TIMES! That's a hell of a number for someone that needs to move on. My point is, there are reasons why you broke up with him in the first place, and as long as those are still there...well, it's bad to go back to him. Keeping so close will always make you realize how much you actually still miss him, and this will keep you in the same place. Remember, each time you break up, you are hurt all over again. Think about it.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (1 December 2011):
 For your own well being make sure you understand what it is you are asking from him. Because you obviously have feelings for him. You must keep in mind that there is no longer a boy-friend/girl-friend relationship. So the dynamics have changed. He is your ex. So whatever you do please do try to keep it professional.
You need to quarantine your feeling and ensure your heart is not broken, because his reaction and his response may not be the same as before if he is no longer in love with you and no longer has feelings for you.
What a man will do for a woman he has feelings for may be different to what he will do for a woman he no longer has feelings for.
Tread carefully so you are not hurt a further time. If he is willing to help, then good. But if he is diffident back away and protect your heart from a further crushing blow.
Are there alternatives? Could you discuss the issues, to clarify your priorities, with a counsellor? They will often be able to suggest other opportunities that could help you deal with all that you are facing right now.
And being so far away from all the people you know cannot be easy. Is there any chance you can see those you love over the Christmas / new year period?
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (1 December 2011):
 To be honest I don't think it is the best idea to lean on your ex boyfriend. Unless you both talk to each other and you are both sure that it is only friendship you want and you or him have no romantic feelings involved any more well then yes that would be fine, but it won't work if one or both of you still have feelings because it will only get messy with people getting hurt.
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A
female
reader, babygirllovej  +, writes (1 December 2011):
 If you are single and he is single then I don't see why it wouldn't be appropriate. However, he IS your ex. As much as you miss him you need to remember that. Leaning on him for support could easily end in tears and your heart broken. If you can draw the line and keep him just as a friend then you will be fine. However if you cross the line and you want to get back together with him then it could end up ugly for you if he doesn't want to get back together with you.
Good Luck and tread carefully!
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