A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Briefly as poss, my ex broke up with me nearly 2.5months ago now, said it didn't feel right anymore and didn't fancy me, we were together 3.5years (she lived with me most of time in my house round corner from her family home) and incidentally she broke up 2 weeks after her grans funeral of which she was close to i went with her and she was close to, anyway maybe coincidence. I was part of her family and she was part of mine we all got along very well. 6 months ago she started new job as vet nurse which she loves, only seemed to change and push me away, i believe this is why she felt it was so weird when me made love, which she told me night we broke up, said she felt i was more like a friend than bf (which just happens after 3years together i think, you become more like friends). she said she felt trapped and needed time on her own to find out who she was but it was over, i respected that, anyway she wouldnt come and get her stuff after to weeks, kept puttin it off so i dropped it round admittly angry that she was so cold and didnt seem to care. still had some stuff at mine and agreed to go for drink for talk as friends etc only that kept gettin delayed, i asked several times over course of 1st month after break if there was someone else and i would rather know, she kept sayin there wasn't. anyway one night 4 weeks after split she refused drink cos said she had to see sis, i past her drivin in opposite direction late at night after i'd been to mates, like an idiot i followed her to see her pickkin some guy, then drive to countryside, i lost it and pulled in front of her car but she got passed a couple of times, anyway i rang her phone and she answered i started with the nasty comments and she said something very personal that really hurt so i got in front stopped her car got out and threatened to burn this guys house down as i'd seen where he lives then i drove off. she rang me beggin not to do anything as not his fault which i nor realise.(by the way it was psycho behaviour but she does not like pussies, as this new guy also seems to be) I have apologised few times since and wished her all the best. Point is i believe she was not seein this guy when we were together cos she went out with old work mates 2weeks after we split and since found out thats where he works, she hated that job and very funny about people in jobs that are crap anyway so i dont see how she can be attracted to him, also he lives with his mum and dad and doesn't even have driving licence or car. also since found out she slept with him in back of her car 2-3weeks after we broke up and she is still seeing him. problem is i still love her and want her back, think she he is just someone to fill the void and given time she'll realised what she has given up, even two months before break she sent xmas card saying how we were meant to be together and words cant express what i mean to her, will she ever want me back or just simply doesn't want me anymore, her mum and dad are gutted to as everything has changed for them aswell as we all used to spend time together with them and her sis and sis bf, but now they are never there cos we're not and her mum and dad alone as am i. ex gf does not seem to care about it all though and has shown no emotion at all. i'm goin out and datin other girls but really not interested, i'm forcing myself. i just want her to realise what shes lost or for us to meet so we can see what happens. do you think we can ever be together again after enough time has passed, prob is i know however unrealistic it is possible and cant seem to stop thinkin about it?!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2008): Thank you the answers, genuinley helpful, i am still friends with her parents but feel that just makes her feel more trapped, dont see a way back if she was so unhappy she was prepared to give up everything buut she hope she one day turns around and wants me back, i know i should be a friend to her but cant handle it if she talks about new guy, really really want her back and/or to be friends but makes me miss her more when i do talk to her, its so hard to know what to do for the best.
A
male
reader, salvation +, writes (25 April 2008):
i think its possible that she might come back to you but for that to happen you need to give her space to decide what she wants and possibly realise if she wants you or not act like a friend towards her and not an ex. Time will tell
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2008): You love this girl and have just lost her, so you may be looking at the relationship you had with rose-tinted glasses. Sit down honestly with yourself and write down the good things about your relationship, and the bad things. How often did you argue? And what did you argue about? Was it constant and over petty things, or only occassionally? How long did it take you to make up when you argued? Could you resolve your differences within an hour or two, or did it drag on for days? What did you love about her - her face, her body, her smile, the way she laughed? You could ask her to meet you, or write her a letter and tell her all the things that you feel are important about her, and why you want to give your relationship another go. Harrassing the guy she's decided to take up with on the rebound will only make her more sure that she was right to split up with you, whether or not she prefers a "tough guy" or a "pussy". Instead, you need to show her that you are the perfect partner that SHE walked away from. Keep up your friendship with her parents, be nice to her as a friend, text her occasionally to ask if she's well. You don't have to go out with other girls. Just learn to project the image that you are doing okay without her. It may be this is just a rebound relationship. She probably regrets leaving you right now. But if you make your best effort to be the better man and not turn into the sulking, jealous, stalkerish ex that will make her regret ever being with you, and she still would rather go after the inferior guy - perhaps she wasn't the woman for you after all.
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