A
female
age
36-40,
*andygurl
writes:Moderator's Note: Two questions combined.Q: 1I need help and understanding of what I should do. I was in a relationship/affair whatever u wanna call it with a married man. I am now pregnant by him and due next month, and he is also back with his wife. Now his wife knows that I'm pregnant and everything. Now the question was brought 2 me many times on how I feel about my child being around his wife. Me personally feel like I want her 2 be around her father and since he's back and live with his wife its no problem plus dis is her stepdaughter she has no choice but 2 accept it. I know it will take time 4 her but I don't think she will do any physical harm 2 my child. As my due date is getting closing I'm noticing his wife attitude is changing a lot. His wife makes comments about me on the phone when he calls her infront of me, she poped up ova my house and cussed him out for being over here with me. She's trying to do everything she can to keep him from seeing me like leaving him home or stranded cus he can't drive, make up events dat he can't refuse, and expecially would use their son. He claim if she continue to act like this he's going to leave her and she know he will because of how much he love his kids. I don't wanna get back with him nor live with him again I don't know what to do. His wife making me question if I can trust her around my child. I don't wanna move back with him just for the sake of my child being with her father. Should I worry about his wife doin any harm and I'm not talking about physically but just saying things infront of my child or sneaking doing shit when his back is turned sud I worry about her negleting my child when he has something else to do please give me some advice.Q: 2I'm pregnant with my first child and its by a married man. I am so confused on whether I want to be with him or not. Sometimes I feel like it just because I'm lonely and scare of having my child. I always though me and the father of my child will be and live together and have many more children but that don't always work out. Me and him was together for 3yrs we decided to call it quits and he moved back in with his wife but we continue seeing each other and now I'm pregnant. It took me a while to accept it but I'm happy I made the right choice. Since I been pregnant he claims we going to be together and move back in with one another. I feel he's only saying it because he claim his wife is actually goin to leave him once the baby is born. I don't think she will only because she put up with him cheating and leaving her more than once even to almost getting a divorce and she stills take him back. But at the same time I think he will just because he did the same when she got pregnant with his child. When I called it off I wanted to start fresh and be with someone who wasn't married or had a gf but now I'm pregnant with his child he will always be in my life which is harder now cus I can't move on. I'm lonely and get depressed a lot but when he comes aroung things get better. How do I tell the difference from being lonely and not having or being with someone else or I'm simple just in love and its meant to be. Please help
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female
reader, ElectricSheep +, writes (16 October 2010):
 The child's father will always be his/her father, so you can't change anything about that. You will want to keep the father in your child's life, but that doesn't mean you have to live with him if you don't think the relationship between you two is a good one. I say move on. It doesn't sound like he's going to leave his wife. It's great that he is willing to be around for his child, so just keep in contact with him once the baby is born.
You said you are worried whether the wife will harm your child. Then don't let him/her stay with her! The father can come visit the child at your home, or you can arrange something else. I hope no woman is evil enough to hurt a child, whether it's her own or not! Once the child is old enough to be transported between two houses, you might want to talk with his/her father about your worries. Then you can decide if it's safe for your child to stay at their home or not.
Good luck with the birth, and everything then on!
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