A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My girl and I been together for 3 years. It was great until freshman yr of college wen i started having trust issues and then we became unstable.She cheated on me with a guy then told me a month later they had kissed; it took awhile to get over but somehow we got threw it but it always stuck with me and seem to make it still hard to trust her.We then got better and we were in school together and we had small things here and there.I got suspended and now she's back there and i'm home.She started showing me less attention wasn't calling me as much no texting, wouldn't respond... talked about how, "oh i dont do thta partying stuff" and this and that and went out and started doing all of it.All she kept saying was it's over then stopped talking to me for a month.When she got back in town she came and saw me and it was fine. She was telling me how she wanted to be with me and all and once she left she started all this rubbish agian.Like i dont know whats goin on.She lies to me and i think she has secrets and all.She says she's not sleepin around or gettingn with anyone but it sure seems that way and i think she doesn't want to come clean because she already cheated once but only a kiss what do i believe? what should i do?
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (21 October 2012):
Hi there. Is this a long distance relationship?
Because when you talk about calling and texting each other, it does sound like you don't regularly see each other in the normal sense.
If it is an LDR, it would make sense that you feel a little insecure sometimes, when you are not actually seeing each other very often.
And also if it is an LDR, it's no wonder really, that you do have some doubts about her social life and her trustworthiness.
In an LDR there is so much time that you are not together and you see all your friends going out with their locally living girlfriends or boyfriends, and it makes you feel lonely that you don't have the same thing for yourself.
It's quite understandable, under the circumstances.
It sounds like it's time for a proper serious conversation between you, so you both have a chance to talk about how you both feel.
And EXACTLY how you both feel.
Which means, being totally open and honest with each other, and about your expectations of the relationship.
So often in relationships these days, people make assumptions of how they think it's all going, and don't always stop and ask questions to the other, to see what they think about it all.
It sometimes almost seems like the art of conversation is a dying breed. There is so much texting done these days, which consists of a lot of abbreviating and shortening the sentences, which can often lead to misunderstandings and of course, arguments!
If two people can't see each other in person, a much better way to communication is by a telephone call. The old fashioned way. It's certainly the next best thing.
You really need to have that discussion - sooner, rather than later.
Don't delay it another single day.
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