A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok, so a friend of an ex has been pursuing me for about a month, and the ex found out... and the ex took the idea to start coming on to me again out of jealousy or something (though his friend isn't exactly the most attractive). But anyway, he started off just looking for sex, but seems to be developing a possesive streak again and becoming kinda caring in an odd way... but one of the rules for us getting involved in anyway again is no emotional attachments.. but I still (stupidly, I know) like him, can I have insane sex with him and still have a chance at being his girlfriend? Or will he just see me as a whore?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2008): Emotional intimacy, good communication and bonding is the key to a good and prosperous relationship. Having hot sex when you first meet may scare each other because your getting to deep to quickly.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2008): Original poster here, it was a mutual break up, geography got in the way. And I don't want his friend, at all, the man has bigger boobs than I do! And I've placed my own conditions on this, I'm not sleeping with him if he sleeps with anyone else... I know I'm more than likely being stupid but...yeah...
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A
male
reader, g247 +, writes (16 March 2008):
He doesn't want you. He doesn't respect you and clearly sees you as little more than his property by the sound of things. He can discard you whenever he sees fit, but if there's any threat that you will move on and cease to be 'his' anymore, he comes running back (for sex). Plus he only seems to 'improve' whenever he wants something from you.
Sex is sex. If you want it with no emotional attachment, then great, go for it. But if you have sex with him because it's the only way you can feel like you can be close to the man you want him to be (and by the sounds of things that's what you're doing), then you're only liable to get hurt.
This guy wants to have his cake and eat it. You want something else. Treat yourself with the respect you deserve and get rid of him to find a man who thinks more in line with you. There's plenty out there and they won't drag you through the hurt that your current, eh, currently is.
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A
male
reader, Stroller  +, writes (16 March 2008):
 I think that it's inappropriate to use the word "whore" negatively.
Hey! if you wanna be a whore in the bedroom, then go for it!
But to answer your question: no, things will not change if you carry on sleeping with him.
You don't say who dumped who when you were going out before (I could take a guess!) but if you have an agreement for "getting involved without emotional attachments" then he's going to see that as "the rules".
To me, the display of jealousy is a bad sign. It sounds to me like this "agreement" is a little one-sided. He can do what he likes, but you're not allowed to get clingy. I may be reading between the lines, but I read it like he thinks of you as a possession.That he's trying to ruin your chances with another guy is just shabby.
Honestly? Get out. Get out now. In the future you will look back at further involvement with this guy as a mistake - you can choose now whether to make it a mistake you luckily avoided or whether it's a mistake which continues to cause you unhappiness.
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