A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi. Im due to start university next month and am getting a bit worried. I took a year out before going to university to basically do some work. During that year I feel I have grown up a lot, met a new group of friends, my interests have changed ,and although I am excited about going to university, I am really bit scared about the people I am going to meet. I keep getting told that my frist year is just going to be lots of drinking and partying, and Im a bit worried I'm not going to fit in. I did all my "harccore" drinking, stumbling out of clubs and getting completely ratarsed on nights out last year. I'm over it now and would rather just spend a quiet night with friends having a couple of glasses of wine and good laugh. Im worried I'm going to be too serious at university and not want to join in the partying but then I wont make friends. I'm not the kind of girl who does shots. Help. :(
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male
reader, daletom  +, writes (31 August 2008):
What sort of people do you want to "fit in" with?
I'll stick my neck out and assume that universities in the U.K are much like those in the U.S.
I have been a resident student at two different universities, and have observed the university experiences of my three children. While it is true that different schools have different personalities, at any school of more than several hundred students there are a wide variety of people. And, if your school is located in a major urban area - or in close proximity to other schools - there are even more types of people to associate with. You can't be friends with ALL of them, and it would be stupid to try. So seek out folks you are either comfortable with, or attracted to. Labels like "party animals", "jocks", "bookworms", "Jesus freaks", "tree huggers", "nerds", etc are often thrown about in derogatory tones but don't let stereotypes get in the way of being yourself, or defining your own interests rather than letting the crowd dictate what your interests SHOULD be.
There's one other point to consider. If, as your post implies, you have matured in the last year - it will show. Believe it or not, the younger students - even though they are at the same point in their studies - will look up to you and be attracted to you. You may not have to go out looking for friends - they may come looking for you!
A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (30 August 2008):
 I think that the year out idea is brilliant. In USA, where I live, nobody ever takes a "gap year" and I feel like they come to college completely unprepared. Some students have never done anything for themselves, and they come into college and their future depends on it... I feel like most people should take a year out. I feel like you've matured, and although some partying in moderation is to be expected, you are grown up enough to realize that grades and studying are important if you want to have a good future. It's also important to make friends and bond with people. The secret is to strike that balance... you don't have to go out every night, but get involved with some clubs or interest groups, and you will meet, and bond with, people who have common interests. Maybe you all could take a trip abroad for Spring Break or during the Christmas holidays?
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (30 August 2008):
First year can very much about going out and getting pissed. But that's because a lot of the kids in first year will have never been away from home before.
Luckily, there are lots of clubs and societies you can join and make lots of friends there. There will be others like you who aren't into getting pissed up and pulling a guy but you just have to put a bit more effort into finding them.
Plus, you've only had a year out, you're not an old woman, go out and have a bit of fun.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, saltwater +, writes (30 August 2008):
 Hi there...
In my experience at Uni you will make lots of friends whether you go out or not.
If you are living away from home it all depends what sort of flatmates you have; no doubt they will all be friendly (as all people at Uni are), but some may want to party heavy, others may not.
You said you would rather not go out -- and for the rest of the year you don't have to, but I would STRONGLY advise you to go out and take part in Freshers Week...just so you can meet lots of other people...most other people will take part and make friends and if you don't, you WILL get left out and the rest of Uni will probably be a miserable experience for you.
In my first year at Uni, my flatmates weren't my ideal friends (that's not to say I didn't like them, we just shared different interests -- will still all got on fine) so I went downstairs and spent my nights in another flat with other people.
Uni is about making friends with people who share all sorts of interests and lifestyles; and they don't care if you go out or not.
Like I said, I spent nights in another flat most nights while my flatmates went out partying heavy -- but they didn't think bad of me and I didn't think bad of them, we still all got on fine.
Relax.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2008): Hey I started college two years ago... And I've always been the way you are now.
DOn't worry, everyone is different and people starting college tend to be open minded about metting people with different interests. I fit in well at my college and in my coarse even though last year I only went out once and I did not get drunk.
In my college people tend to go out once or twice a week... They can't afford to go out more :D. Thise nights I just stayed in with friends that either couldn't afford to go out that night or just didn't want to themselves.
Hope this helped.
Try not to worry, a lot of people get nervous about not fitting in.
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