A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:i have been in a loveless marriage for 5 years. He has been dating other women and i began dating a man 2 years ago. We stay living together only for convenience and we are working on separating sometime next year.anyway, I am totally in love with the man i have been seeing. but in the past few months i was upset with him because i found him networking on modeling sites with lots of nude womens portfolios on them. Its like a big myspace to network. he is trying to have a side photography biz and he says he needs to network like this. i have been looking at the comments he makes and i am upset because he comments on naked pics, he says nice things about the lighting etc...but still it disturbs me when he tells them they are pretty. he says he wants to bring me to the photos shoots and has not intention of naked pics but to take pics of headshots etc..even though these girls say they will pose nude. anyway, i am just so disturbed by this.we have been arguing about it for several months. but last week he said he was putting his foot down and if i wanted to leave to just leave and he wasnt going to change, i said what do you want from me, have you been just using me? i said i felt a lack of his respect to me and my feeling when he is having email conversations with women that are posed butt naked. he says i do not understand networking, i say there has to be another way to network than this.so he says that since i say i think i am used that he will not be intimate with me anymore. so we have not been intimate in 2 weeks.he has just left for a biz trip that is 4 days long and has now been gone for a week. he shut off his phone and didn't take his computer (he is a computer geek) He went to washington dc and I am imagining he is staying there longer to site see since it is an 8 hour trip.i don't know when he is coming back and I dont' know if this is a breakup or if he is with someone else or he is just trying to teach me a lesson, or he just needs time away to himself.All i know is that i am completely devastated. I feel deserted and confused, i love this man to death and i have asked him lately about what we should do with our situation. I would marry the day my divorce papers came through if i could. i never felt this way about any person.My question is this.............Is this a way of breaking up?Is this a way to just see other women since we are so far apart?Is he doing this as a wake up call for me to know what it would be like for us to be permanently apart?My emotions are in turmoil, I do not even know if he made the trip ok. I am assuming he is ok though since he has driven there 2 years before for biz trips.I need to have outside opinions because my emotions are too confused to understand his actions.
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female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (30 August 2008):
 No-one can say what is going on with him but there are some indications that he is wanting a cooling off. I'll just list them and comment.
1) He isn't concerned about, nor does he respect your feelings. In a solid relationship this would have been worked out to a compromise for both parties satisfaction. I am with you, a career in photography doesn't HAVE to include nude models and all the buzz that goes along with that. Somewhere there is a compromise but he's stopped trying.
2) He stopped being intimate with you. This is an immature step and he is trying to control you or gradually bow out of the relationship. If my partner stopped being intimate, I would figure he was getting something on the side, especially if it was done in this fashion.
3) He left for 4 days and is gone longer. He is not contacting you, his phone is off so you can not contact him. He already bailed on you physically, I think he is now bailing on you emotionally.
My conclusion would be that he is exiting the relationship, bit by bit. If he is playing with you or trying to teach you a lesson he is not being very nice about it. I am sorry for what you are going through.
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