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anonymous
writes: I have been divorced for 5 years now, and still I can't get over the fact that I was made a fool of. She took everything I had worked so hard for. Now It is very hard for me to open up to anybody. I am turning 30 now and I don't want to end up alone. How can I get rid of that feeling of failure? Please advise.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2008): Forget about those problem! live up your live. enjoy while you still can? Think about when you are not even healthy you will desperately seek help and attention but now you are capable of doing anything you want. my advise do something different be bold (but not destroying yourself)take a bit of risk (Life is a risk u know) kick some ass and don't care about what other people say..u know why cause they not you and you not them get it? as long as you know what is the best for yourself. try to do something spontaneously and don't even think to do what is spontaneous, you just do it! One rule you have to follow is keep on smiling and put your chin up and look foward damn it! ahahahahaaa.... trust me it works!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2006): ...sometimes I find this thought depressing somtimes not, but no matter what, no matter how hard we try, no matter how strongly we feel no matter what we and another try to convince oursleves that 'we' are unique, 'We' are different...
you were born alone,
you live your life alone,
you die alone.
But since we ALL live like this, always, and it will never change unless we find a 'cure' for death, it is therefore completely and utterly impossible to BE alone, EVER!
SO NO MATTER HOW LONELY YOU FEEL YOU ARE NOT ALONE...
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2006): Hey there...
Feeling like you have been made a fool of doesn't make you a failure, you are the innocent party here, a victim of someone else's failures...
The fact that you are still affected by it after all this time just shows how much your ex wife has lost, so try (I know its tough, people can never understand the concept or depths of anothers devastation)to take solace in the fact you have so much to offer, that you have the capacity to love and that if you could create a happy existence for yourself before this you can do it again.
It never feels like it at the time, but it will get better, your feelings will change and you can meet someone else. You just have to allow it to happen and not let apprehension, fear of the unknown and society's silly expectations (that by 28 yrs old we should all be married, identified an exact career choice, have a house, a car and be out re-enacting the 'ideal' that the media feeds to us constantly) prevent you...ignore the stigma of being 30 and not having a partner
THERE IS NOTHING 'WRONG' WITH BEING 'SINGLE'...
like 'Relationships' 'single' is just a word we came up with to describe something we invented...and like all inventions its up to you what you get out of it...
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reader, dear caroline +, writes (2 July 2005):
Don't let your ex wife drag you down more then what she as appears to have done already! Be strong, get on with your life, you're a young man, There's plenty more to do with life, please don't feel like a failure. You sound like a very caring and sensitive young man who has plenty to offer a lady who truly deserves you. Life can sometimes bring us down with all the horrible things that people can do but life can also bring us plenty of joy too! I hope you can overcome this horrible feeling that you feel about yourself at the moment, remember YOU'RE YOUNG, FREE and SINGLE, many people would love to trade places with you, trust me. Good luck and I hope you find someone special in your life, someone who will truely appreciate a honest, genuine, sensitive man like you. take care.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2005): You are not alone and you are not a failure. You are feeling this due to loss. In divorce, men are often put in a financial bind of the most traumatic kind by losing.. the results of years of labor in a few words from the judge. He almost always has a loss of stable location, and almost always has a loss of or less contact with his children. Added to thst, the load are loneliness and inability to cope with our new total responsibility for our own life. One can get so tied up in these emotions and new problems, we get hung up in a circle of self-defeating behavior. And that's when a man can become someone different. some becomea bundle of nerves, an up-tight person that eats like crazy to stop the pain in our stomach and gains twenty pounds or we stop eating because of the pain in our stomach and lose weight. One's body is under constant stress from the battle of stress and nerves. Some cannot sleep regularly, and due to one emotion or another, become not only an emotional mess but a physical wreck. Instead of dealing with and changing our self-defeating reactions and behaviors, they come up with "Insteads." and "what ifs". What can he do...make the choice to change his thinking. He can do this with help and support. Learn Joy and happiness as automatic everyday experiences. Make every new thing and challenge a joy. Drop expectations and demands on yourself. Set goals for where you are going. Constantly move on. Grow and expand to where you want to be. Try to retain control of you. Expand and continue to share your life and experience along the road. This will take some time...but be patient. It will happen. The only thing that can help..is your ability to change your thoughts and take the positive choice to be happy. It takes strength..it takes perserverence. Remember, you are not alone. Good luck
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reader, Dr. Mephisto  +, writes (30 June 2005):
 Well, of course you feee like a failure - maybe divorce is killing your spririt. Bottom line (yep this is a quick an easy one today) get a life and quit mopping around like a castrated monkey. Cruel - yes - fun to write factor, very high - however all this is the truth. To truly advance in life we must continually reaccess our outlooks and ambitious - if you can't reaccess your outlook (as my kind assistant whispers in ma ear) then...then perhaps you need to realise that this is an IMMENSELY huge planet full of millions of interesting and different peoples. You must wake up tomorrow morning and realise how lucky you are to be alive in a world of chaos - and a little lucky that you're not languishing in some unloving marriage.Best wishes and peace with the world.Dr. M
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