A
male
age
36-40,
*agami
writes:I want to start off by saying, in the past I've always dated or pursued a girl that I've been infatuated with. Usually it goes fine except for the "simple" fact that none of them loved me, or they weren't infatuated enough to wish to continue. After a few of these I met someone with a great personality, beautiful and different. Problem was I had no infatuation with her, no initial spark. After a while I decided to try something different and date her. It's been a year now and we both clearly love each other but I have yet to develop any infatuation with her. It shows in the way I think of her and the actions I take. Of course she notices and won't be satisfied until I treat her the same if not better than my previous girlfriends which she observed while I was dating in the past. Since I love her I would like nothing more than to give her the same treatment but it must come natural. I've never had to think about how I wanted to treat my previous girlfriends and I don't intend to force it now. It's not fair to her or myself. I don't know how it works. How do I become infatuated? Is it possible for her to get me infatuated or to get myself infatuated in her after a one year relationship? I was so certain I wanted to be with my previous girlfriends so the fact that I'm uncertain with my current girl friend is killing me. Also although her beauty is enough to get me aroused I rarely find myself wanting to crush her in my love with all my passionate intentions as with previous girlfriends. She's trying her best to figure out how to get what she wants and I'm trying to figure out how to give it to her naturally. Infatuation has always brought out my best efforts and I would like for once in my life to be infatuated with someone infatuated in me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2009): if you do not want to get intimate (sex) with this girl then maybe she is just meant to be an amazing friend to you (like a soulmate). maybe you should see if your feelings develop and if they dont have a chat with her, you dont want to be wasting her time. Im sure she will be devastated but she will move on to someone else..how would you feel if she did? they are all signs of how much you like her. if you would be hurt when she got with someone else, then maybe you should stay with her..if she is that beautiful,and you love her.. why cant you get infatuated? maybe she feels embarassed being "sexy" around you, or maybe doesnt feel the need to be like that as she is already comfortable with you
A
female
reader, wonderingcat  +, writes (18 March 2009):
 Here is a brief definition on "infatuatuation" from Oxford English Dictionary (10th ed)infatuate· v. (be infatuated with) be inspired with an intense but short-lived passion for.– DERIVATIVES infatuation n.– ORIGIN C16: from L. infatuat-, infatuare ‘make foolish’.So I was wondering, are you talking about a strong degree of "love" or "in love"? It is all very subjective of course. Feelings can never be measured through indicators with "measurable units".You cannot force yourself to become infatuated. It has to come from the heart. What I am hearing in your story is that you may not be passionately and strongly "in love" with her. So much so that you want to do anything to be with her, to see her, to talk to her, to touch her, to make her smile, to laugh with her, and so forth and so on.When you are deeply in love, you want to invest your mind, body and soul into the relationship. If it is not there, it is not there. Your girlfriend notices because she senses that you are not passionately and deeply in love with her. Please do not string her along if you are still doubting your feelings. It is not fair on her.Good luck in your quest of true love.Cat
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