A
female
age
41-50,
*endy2012
writes:Am 34.I have been married for a year and half. My husband cheated on me three months ago with his best friend's ex. I WAS REALLY HURT. But believing he was really sorry, I decided to forgive him and we moved on. This was the THIRD time he was cheating with the same girl. He PROMISED he would never again have anything to do with her. He even changed his phone line to make sure she has no way of communicating with him. I believed him. Whenever we discussed the progress on our marriage, he would strongly come out on how principled he is and how I should never. Last week, as we were discussing, a text message came from his ex-mistress. The phone was in my hand as I was checking on some photos, and when the number showed on the screen, I recognised it, and knowing he would delete and deny, I opened it and read. It didn’t say much, it just said ‘thanks’. I was so disappointed to learn that after all the hurt he caused me, and the ‘preaching and assuring’ he was still communicating with her behind my back. And when I asked him, he told lies about why he was communicating to her, even crying saying he was sorry (he gave me three different explanations of why he was communicating with her, which all did not make sense) . I felt insulted with the whole event. Now he is pleading saying he is sorry, has changed his number again. He is definitely not sorry, just caught. I don’t know what to do now. Looks like the only two options are either to leave him or accept that he is not sorry and will continue cheating. I am not ready to leave him. How can I stay in a marriage knowing he is cheating, and likely continuing? Despite the fact that am also not perfect, I have loved him and my life totally revolve around him. I am committed and always want the best for him. This is going to be very hard now. Tell me, would I be foolish to give him another chance? My friends tell me that how men are and I better get used to it as this is nothing and am yet to see a lot worse things. Is this a normal way of life really? What should I do?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (13 January 2013):
 if you are not ready to leave then you have no choice but to accept that he is a liar and a cheater.
I would not give him another chance... three times already you caught him.... he's not going to change.
It's not normal to lie and cheat a woman you love. clearly he loves himself more than he loves you.
you need to gird your loins and leave the lying cheating excuse for a husband.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 January 2013):
 Yes, you'd be really foolish and no, this is not a normal way of life ( meaning, it may even be frequent, it may even happen often, but.. is it mandatory, is it inevitable ? Heck no ! ) And you know what you should do, accept that you married the wrong guy, that if you stay he will not become more faithful, only more careful in covering his tracks- ergo you should leave him, as of now.
But, you are not ready for that. So, stay. Expect to see, yes, a lot of worse things and an infuriating, painful repetition of the same old stuff. Hopefully, though, after a while of this treatment you will feel not only angry and hurt, but also totally sick and disgusted, and the decision of protecting your dignity and peace of mind
will come easy and natural.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2013): You are not prepared to leave him, so I guess you'll have to swallow it and put up with his cheating. Seems fairly evident.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2013): "Looks like the only two options are either to leave him or accept that he is not sorry and will continue cheating. I am not ready to leave him."Then be prepared to accept that he is not sorry and he will continue cheating. "Tell me, would I be foolish to give him another chance?"Yes, you would, but since you are not ready to leave him then giving him another another chance is no more foolish than staying with him while not giving him another another chnance. "My friends tell me that how men are and I better get used to it as this is nothing and am yet to see a lot worse things."Your friends are wrong in saying that's how men are, that is how HE is. Your friends are wrong in saying this is nothing, this is something. Your friends are right in saying you are yet to see a lot worse things since you've caught him cheating for a fourth time and you're still not ready to leave him."Is this a normal way of life really?"No."What should I do?"Given that you are not ready to leave him and you aren't sure if you should give him another another another chance, then you are asking the impossible and so all I can suggest is that you should wish and hope and pray and dream and wave a magic wand and wait for him to miraculously change overnight into an faithful, honest, non-hypocritical, decent human being.He will use you as a doormat as long as you let him. Men can't disrespect women who respect themselves. You want him to magically change but he won't, you can change yourself but you refuse to make the required effort. Insanity is repeating the same mistakes and expecting a different result.
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