A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I have a good friend who’s gay. We used to be best friends until I met my boyfriend. When I introduced them both, they did not get along. They were polite to each other, but my gay friend thinks I can find someone better than my boyfriend. My boyfriend thinks he’s a bad influence to our relationship. They’re in two different worlds and there’s no way they can compromise. Between the two, I made a decision to be close to my boyfriend and stay a distance from my gay friend. After 2 years, I sometimes wonder - 10 years of friendship, and that’s what I end up with my gay friend? I contacted him last Christmas but that’s all because I feel I should (because he won’t). It’s now July, I feel I should ask him to go for dinner so it seems like we’re still friends. I know it bothers my boyfriend that I’m again hanging out with my gay friend. But I think twice a year isn’t bad. I feel like I should tell my boyfriend before going, so I did. He was incredibly upset about that fact I want to see my gay friend again. He’s not going to stop me but he thinks having this person around will only cause us stress in our relationship. He’s trying not to be controlling, but he can’t help it because he doesn’t want to lose me. He thinks my gay friend will be there to influence me to leave him. Is my boyfriend right that if I am in his world, I cannot be in my gay friend’s world? If I’m close to my gay friend, that makes me further away from my boyfriend?
View related questions:
best friend, christmas Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, geojorge1369  +, writes (17 July 2008):
This can be a very sensitive subject between gay close friends! You need to keep in mind that it's always more than "just friends." There is always time for a close friend, even if you are in a romantic relationship, your friendship should still be honored. Your boyfriend can't command you to stay away from your friends and you need to assure both of them that there is room in your life to do so. Your not a puppet to either man in your life! Ten years of true friendship doesn't end because the main man in your life isn't willing to share you and your boyfrienship is overwhelmed with probable feelings of rejection.
A
female
reader, Secret Teller +, writes (14 July 2008):
 love don't come around often.
but a friendship is once in a life time.
...............................
A
female
reader, xxsecretsxx +, writes (14 July 2008):
 i think you should tell them both that they need to settle their differences because they are hurting you.
They don't need to talk to eachother or even like each other but they are both important to you and you shouldn't have to pick and choose.
Tell them that they are being immature and its not comfortanble for you.
good luck
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Ask oldersister. It's nice to hear from someone who understands my situation from their previous experience. I know my gay friend was mad because I cannot spend as much time with him like old times. He's very bitter about that. On the otherhand, there's nothing wrong with me finding my life partner. Should I tell my gay friend I cannot be friends with him, or should I be contacting him once in a while? My boyfriend really doesn't want me to see him at all. Seeing him again and again seems like a selfish thing to do. Ending our friendship seems liks: 10 years and that's what happen? I mean, should I invite him when I get married? Should I contact him again on Christmas time? I really don't like putting an end to our friendship, but I have no option if I want to be with my boyfriend.
...............................
A
male
reader, StudentOfLife +, writes (14 July 2008):
 IF your gay friend says something to you that cause you to loose your boyfriend, then it wasn't meant to be.
Your boyfriend doesn't seem to realize that he doesn't own you. You just accepted to live your life along side of him.
Even if your friend wouldn't be gay, I don't understand the fuzz. Why couldn't you hang out with boys? Cause you "Might" get in love with them ... if you do, it was meant to be!
Can't stop love!
...............................
A
female
reader, Dream_Girl +, writes (14 July 2008):
 Oh my goodness, it's me in a couple years with my boyfriend...
You can have both people in your life, stop listening to the garbage your boyfriend is telling you!
Do you feel that your gay friend is influencing you in a bad way? And even if he tries to make you leave your boyfriend I think you can be your own person and make your own decisions.
Tell your boyfriend that he can trust you after two years of dating. Try to get the two together and tell them that you care deeply for both of them and that if they feel the same for you they will be able to tolerate each other. I'm not saying they have to be best friends, but the least they can do is not put down one another.
They're both just jealous because they want you all to themselves. You don't need to spend every second with your boyfriend or your gay friend. Just try and divide up time between them.
If they really care about you, which I'm sure they do given the jealousy in the first part, they'll try and make you comfortable. If not, then maybe they aren't the people you think they are and they aren't worth your time.
p.s. any boyfriend that gets mad at you for a strictly platonic relationship is already on his way to becoming controlling.
...............................
|
