A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Can he be in love with me, too, without willing to admit it or am I being played? We first met almost 10 years ago when I already in a relationship. I'll call him "A". We spent a lot of time together and really enjoyed each other company. On top of that our view of the world was so similar. I felt the instant "click" but did not tell "A" anymore than I really appreciated spending time with him. Back then, he told me that he was in love with me (and I was in love with him too) but because I felt obligated to my then-bf, (who had sacrificed so much for me) I told "A" that we should remain just friends. Eventually, out of guilt towards my then-bf, I decided to stop all contacts between me and "A". So we went our separate ways for 10 years. I got married to my then-bf. "A" has had a series of short-term relationships. Then about a year ago we got back in touch again through emails and phone calls. (We don't live in the same city). I told him that my marriage was on a verge of a divorce. He was in a new relationship but a rocky one, too. I "confessed" to him how I really felt ten years go. He told me that he stayed in love with me for years after our loss of contact. Then a few months after our getting back in touch I told him that I was still in love with him(!!!) He told me, gently, that he wasn't in love with me anymore because his heart has ... "rusted" over the years. Then shortly after that he told me that we should take a "break" from our correspondance. I respected the request. Then suddenly, about 3 months later, he recontacted me, and since then, has been so "attentive" - frequent emails and phone calls. (He also tells me that he and his GF -to whom he said he loved during our "break" - are going to break up soon because he finds her manipulative.) I appreciate the correspondance now and we talk about nothing and everything, but we (I, really) avoid mentioning the world "love". He, on the other hands, keeps saying that he wonders how we would feel about each other if we saw each other again in person but, at the same time, saying the physical distance prevents him from thinking about "us" - (I am going to be divorced.) I keep thinking that maybe this is destiny and that I am having a second chance to eventually be with my soul-mate - BUT he is not saying that he's in love with me! Also, i know he has changed. Obviously, after 10 yaers, people change. I'm afraid the image that I have of "A" when we were 10 years younger prevents me from seeing things clearly and seeing him for who and how he is now. Is he playing me to sooth his ego?
View related questions:
divorce Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, jdd  +, writes (13 February 2011):
Im curious how things played out for you...I am currently in a situation much like yours. I will be seeing him fairly soon and I am very anxious for many reasons. Is it all nostalgia or an escape or could it be real? I'd really like to hear what happened and any advice you would have now....after having been there. Of course, i'm hoping it all went great but....
Thanks
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2008): I would just like to add that "A" also said that he would really like to come to where I live to visit me so that we would have a chance to see "what happens when we see each other again." I was very touched by that thought because i have thought of visiting him, too, but because of my current marital situation, I am unable to do that. I was going to wait until everything is "settled" between my husband. Even though I'll be divorced, I still feel that my husband deserves that and not feel like I've dumped him for somebody else, because it's not true. My wanting to get a divorce was way before I got back in touch with "A".I still love to read "A"'s email and talk to him on the phone but part of me is saying that i should break this off. Once again, i still wonder, and i think i will always wonder about "A" and me if we don't get to see each other again. ... thanks for any further insights or comment ... (original poster)
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2008): Thank you very much for your sobering thoughts and insight!
(From the original poster)
...............................
|
