A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I just broke up. Cliche, I know. You hear it on this site about 100 times a day, I know that also. And I'm sure you have also heard "it's different". Well it is. I was living with my boyfriend and he left last night. At the time it didn't hit me right away. He does this thing where when we have a big fight he will leave. Everyone says you don't want to be with that type of guy anyway, he's not dependable etc, but I understood him. He wasn't used to confrontations, we would have a big fight and he would leave (not break up, just leave) and say he needed time to think. He had done it twice before but last night was different. He meant it as in we are breaking up. I asked him to stay and talk about it with me because I know how he gets when he is really mad. And we rarely fight, only 3 ones actually, each time he left. He was my ex's best friend when we started dating. He is everything I have looked for in a boyfriend. Qualitites I really don't believe I will find in another person. And I was different with him, I felt like for the first time I let down my guard and was 100% myself. He told me I was different, that he had never felt even close to how he felt with me for anyone (my ex- his best friend- said the same thing). He said he couldn't picture life without me, brought up marriage, before I said anything. I don't understand why he left. Everyone says he just can't deal with problems and I can do better cause he will just keep hurting me but I can't get over him. I have never been like this before. Any time I have been dumped or broken up with someone I could say, "it happened for a reason" or "what is meant to be will be" and I truly believed it. And I had dated other people for about twice as long as him and I dated. I feel like a different person now. I don't believe in things that I used to. I mean my whole life I believed in soul mates and everything I just quoted and now I question everything. I honestly felt like he was my other half and who I am supposed to be with and I am completely lost without him. I am trying to keep myself busy with 2 jobs and talking to friends and family and I still feel empty. I fall apart every couple minutes. No one understands where I am coming from and just say "you can meet someone else, he's not worth it, you're better than that". I honestly don't see myself meeting anyone else. And I don't feel that I have anything to offer anyone else. I have never felt that way either. I assume it is because it was the first time I put everything out there and he still didn't want me, I have lost all confidence. And aside from all that I am just confused as hell. He is so random and impulsive, he is mad he just packs and thinks later. This time I'm scared he won't think about me and come back. It's also the first time he ignored me when I called. I have only called once and left a voicemail btw, I don't harass someone who doesn't want to talk to me. I just cry about it on dearcupid instead.. ha. I don't get how I am upset constantly about all this and I feel like he is fine. I don't know what I expect to hear from anyone besides that I will find someone, or even worse that he never did care. I believe he did and I guess it is hard to portray an entire relationship in a couple paragraphs. I've never been so compatible with anyone in my life and honestly I don't think I can get over this. I don't know how to nor do I want to. I can't handle it, and I'm not being overly dramatic. I've never felt like this in my life and it's hard to imagine that other people have. I feel like it has really changed me as a person. Can getting completely crushed just change you completely? Like from an optimistic romantic person to whatever I am now? And how can I have gone through so much in my life with an abusive dad, a disease, etc and this is what changes me? I've had the image of the type of guy I wanted and needed in my head for as long as I can remember, he was the first I felt like fit my image. He was my other half and he completed me. And trust me I know how gay and cheesy it sounds, but that's exactly how it feels. I can't get over it. I just need someone to talk to and go more into detail about what happened in the fight and see if we can break down why he might have left and if he will miss me, etc. I know he will have to because I know how he feels about me, I just wish I could be past it and feel like I could be with someone else who is more dependable, who will be there through thick and thin. I'm still hoping with everything in me that he will call. Imagining never being with him again is too much for me to handle. I don't even think I asked a question but any advice would be appreciated. Sorry for the length.
View related questions:
best friend, broke up, confidence, crush, my ex, soul mates, soulmate Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (30 January 2010):
 lol.. thanks coming back to update us on your situation, it will help others who feel the way you used to. They too will find out that life can move on, and you can meet someone else in time.They will take courage from your story. Good luck, hope things continue to go well.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I did move on, and I am doing fine now. Turned out he was a pathological liar and pretty much everything he said to me was bull. Which in a weird way I am extremely thankful for, I don't think I would be over him now honestly if that did not happen. So obviously he was not the one for me. I am now dating someone else and so far is going quite well. Thanks for all the advice btw.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (11 November 2009):
Yes, everyone fights. It's actually healthy, for this reason. You now know he can't be reasoned with unless he runs away. That says a lot about him. Don't wait around.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't know if this helps at all but I just remembered a big thing. Those times we did fight he said it shouldn't be like that and we should have discussions, not fight. So I know he thought we fought too much. But in a normal relationship you fight right? I feel like that is common sense but how would he not know that? In a perfect world you could discuss everything in a calm matter but in reality you will fight. Or maybe I'm wrong. I'm hoping he sees that one day, that whatever he is thinking a relationship is, it isn't always perfect, and maybe realize he messed up an otherwise great relationship we had.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (11 November 2009):
I'm sure you don't. It can be hard when someone we love fails us so badly. You really need to focus on your own life now. Career, other friendships and hobbies that you enjoy. You will get there, but it will take time (a bit). Focus on yourself for now, and when you're ready, you will meet Mr Right.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI feel like I was pretty confident. And I have always been optimistic, I always knew I had things to offer someone and he would be lucky to have me. Now, I don't feel that way anymore. I admit I have clung to people in past relationships before for fear of being alone, but it isn't a fear of being alone this time. I truly feel like he was the perfect person for me and he's gone. He was the most compatible person I have ever talked to, we got along in every aspect, aside from leaving. I totally agree with you saying I don't need to be with someone who is unreliable. Reading that made me feel a bit better. I just don't know how to deal with it all.
...............................
A
female
reader, fairytail +, writes (11 November 2009):
 You deserve better than that enjoy a day at the spa... :)
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (11 November 2009):
I'm not sure how much confidence you had before you met him. A woman who hangs onto a guy like this is in need of a serious confidence boost to be honest. This is a classic sign of a woman who has been abused in the past. 3 fights and each time he left? That's really bad. There are couples who have had 300 fights, but they've stuck it out and worked through. You're going to hate me saying this, but I don't think he really loves you and I don't think you understand him. I think the abuse you suffered in the past has made you cling on to the one person who so far has showed you any attention and affection, and you're terrified now that he won't get back to you because you're scared of being alone again.
Don't be scared, and don't think you won't get over it. You will.
You REALLY don't need someone unreliable like this in your life. What happens if you ever get pregnant and he walks, or you have children and have different ideas and every single time he just walks instead of facing problems. Your life will go nowhere and you'll end up wondering what has happened to it all. Nobody will understand exactly how you feel, be we will be able to say that we have been in a situation like it, and that you can pull through.
Instead of waiting for him, who you can NEVER count on to be there, focus entirely on your own life and happiness. I hope you can find some.
...............................
|
