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female
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anonymous
writes: Can friends with benefits bring you and your ex back together? I was just wondering cuz my ex and i are friends with benefits and he doesnt want a gf or a relationship right now. We have been friends for a good while before we started dating then when we broke up we reminded friends then 2 1/2 months after the broke up we decided to be friends with benefits. Everytime im with him its like bf gf. We hug kiss fool around. Its so passionate to its not like "oh we are just friends" feelings. Like last nite we were sitting on the couch just watching the hockey game and all of a sudden he tenderly touches my face and turns my head to face him and he goes to kiss me. It was very hot and sexy. Its not rough get down dirty stuff that friends with benefits do. Everything that we did before when we were dating and now after the broke up its just all passionate hot sexy moments like it was when we were dating, and its confusing me cuz everyone says you should never go into to friends with benefits with feelings but we both do. Its not just me, he has feelings for me alot to. Could this end up bad or good? (considering that he doesnt want a gf right now?) P.S im his only girl friend in his life. He's not friends with no other girls expect guys so i know hes not messing with other girls.
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female
reader, jabey  +, writes (11 January 2007):
I think sometimes that men suddenly feel committed and trapped when in a relationship. And then by spliting up and then seeing you as a friend and sleeping with you he feels no pressure or commitment.I think there is a good chance you will restore your relationship. It sounds like he adores you. If he didnt, he would be off meeting other women and certainly would not be spending intermate time with you. I beleive if you love someone do what you can to have hope . If at the end of the day it fails then at least you know you tried. The more time he spends with you, and its good and fun, the harder it will be to walk away. I mean he could have done that but he has not. Give it time say nothing enjoy. And i bet with all the pressure lifted from him, he will gradually fall for you and before you know it you will be a couple again. Good luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2007): Why doesn't he want you to be his exclusive gf, hun? I mean, you are nice, lovely woman and you are definitely worth having someone commit to you and love you back..Right? Please rethink this. This is just my opinion, but I find this whole 'friends with benefits' thing such a vague, murky situation to be in. It wouldn't be for me but for some couples it works, because both people involved, have no expectations or emotional ties to each other, other than friends. They just have sex, when the urge hits.
This is not you. You stated in your posting, you have the desire to get back together with him, so we can safely say, your heartfelt emotions are involved, bigtime. So in effect, there is a glimmer of hope, an expectation of a romantic future, on your part. This is where you may be setting yourself up to be hurt, deeply. What is to say, when another female comes on the scene, that he is smitten with--where is that going to leave you?
Now, I have no idea who your ex bf is or how he thinks. So I will generalize and you pick from this, what may or may not apply to your situation. A man who really wants to share his life with a woman, will want to commit and have her, all to himself. The people that don't want committment nor love the other person, in a meaningful, romantic way do like the 'friends with benefits' scenario. They get to have their fun time with a willing female/male but they are absolved of not being fully responsible for the other partners feelings. And let's face being a 'friend' has far less emotional expectations than that of a devoted bf.
All I want to say to you, is focus on you and what makes you happy. You sound like a very good person that has a lot going for herself. Find your personal courage and tell him that you want to move the relationship up to the next level or you walk away. Be forewarned, if he's been boinking you with no committment then it's very obvious, he's likely he' kept his own emotions, out of this. But-by continuing in this relationship and feeling the way you do for him, it will only serve to drag you down and you will get possibly very hurt, when he might possibly dump you for the 'girl of his dreams'. If you find out, he doesn't love you the same way-get out of this now. It will be hard for you..you will grieve but in the long run-you keep your self-respect intact and you open the door for new love opportunities.
You want something meaningful and you deserve to be close to someone, to know that you are loved and accepted for who you are. You need to know that you matter deeply to someone else, and that you are valued by them. I think you are longing for that wonderful intimacy and bond we all share with a partner. Intimacy strengthens how you value yourself. It reassures us that we matter, and enables us to face the world with confidence. Love wins over. It's only human to want that dear, and many of us find it. So give that to yourself.
Best of luck in whatever decision you come to. Take care and always be happy. Keep us posted.
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