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female
age
51-59,
*herlinnj
writes: I just got a call and my soon to be husband told me to have my daughter at my mothers when he gets off work. I asked him why and then I asked why are you leaving me and he said yes, that we rushed into this and that he never lived on his own. We have worked together for almost 2 years and been together almost 5 months. I do love him and want to have him in my life and my 3 year old. Help me.. Please..
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2007): I'm sorry you're so distressed right now. It's quite understandable, dear. I agree with Telullah, there is not much you can do. This was a serious committment and if he has told you he thinks 'that you both have rushed into this', then that is the grim reality. He's not 'at the same place as you in this relationship, anymore' and no one can tell you why, but him. You should ask him.
I look at it this way, by remaining in this relationship with you, when he wasn't sure could've spelled disaster. He could've ignored his feelings and married you. But his actions could have begun a sad series of events with you being devastated, anyways. This whole scenario could've ended 10 years from now, with resentment and divorce and years wasted on your part, living with a man who was never sure of committment and love for you. Or you can get through this breakup bravely and eventually find the right man who loves you and wants to give his best to you and your child. Which series of life events do you really want?
Do not take the blame and do not believe you are responsible for his actions. So many women do this, to themselves. They self-blame, they go into depression, the sadness overwhelms them, they lose all sense of value. If this is ending, you leave with your self-respect, intact and remember you are lovable, you are wonderful and someday, you will find the right one for you.
You really owe that to yourself to give yourself the best. Believe that So don't push it. He's told you his thoughts and feelings..you know where you stand. Leave it alone..grieve, recover and move on. Again, I am so sorry for your pain, sweety. Call in friends, family and help yourself recover. Keep us posted on how you do. Take care.
A
female
reader, TELLULAH  +, writes (11 January 2007):
 Hi,
Have you talked yet?. It could be that he is suffering with a bit of nerves. If you have only been to-gether for 5 months, maybe getting married is to soon for him.
You could try giving him some space, and see how it goes.
But if all else fails, there is not a lot you can do. You cant force a guy to stay with you, if he does not want to.
Its very sad, but you will be ok. You have your little one to look after, and you should think of them.
See what he has to say for himself, and you will be a bit clearer.
Do you have a friend that could come and stay with you, for some support.?
Take care of yourself XX
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