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female
age
36-40,
*ilverSong86
writes:Hi guys. I just have a general relationships question that I've been pondering for quite some time now and I'd really like some outside oppinions. Okay so, do you guys find that fighting/arguments are helpful or detrimental to a relationship? Is it better to get everything out the second it's felt and risk hurting the other person or wait and think things over with the risk of letting them get out of hand later on? Also what do you guys think is the best way to handle relationship aggression in order to have a healthy and lasting relationship? Thanks in advance for all responses. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2008): Fights are very rarely good. They may solve something, but there will be hard feelings and hurt left over. It is also best not to argue, although arguments can lead to discussion and communication.
It is best not to say something right when you think of it. I have that problem and it sometimes leads to an argument, which leads to good discussion and resolution of the problem. However, it would be best if a person would think for a while before they speak and jump right to the discussion stage without stopping on the argument stage.
If arguments are kept civil, without hurtful comments, then they can be very useful. Even fights that do not get out of control are far better than not talking at all. Communication is critical to every relationship.
Sometimes my wife or I say something hurtful to the other, then we cry on each others shoulders while we discuss the problem and then we make up. Making up is the best part. The discussion, resolution and making up after an argument can be very beneficial and lead to closeness and a feeling of love. And it also solves the original problem, or at least gets the discussion and resolution started.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2008): Arguing is a natural part of any healthy relationship.The key is to know when to compromise and when to hold your ground.Flynn 24
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reader, hlskitten  +, writes (29 January 2008):
 I spent 9 years with someone and we rarely had a row, i cant remember any anyway. But the guy was extremely easy going and maybe he just agreed with everything i said! hehe but i dont know, i have recently come out of a relationship that was fraught with rows and we used to say awful things to each other during those! Its very damaging in the long run and i dont think thats healthy. Maybe thats why me and him lasted a year and the other reltionship was 9 yrs! BUT obviously neither lasted forever. So i really cant judge!
Getting the balance right is tricky but esential. My mum has an ability of saying to her bloke, come on this is silly bickering over this, we can agree to disagree. And they get over it. Me and the recent ex, couldnt manage to do that. But that was down to our personalities clashing i think.
Everyone has the right to state their opinion and thats fact. Its how you deal with arguments thats the main thing.
And if they go on in front of children on a reg basis i think you need to quit that relationship for sure.
C xxxx
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reader, chlez83  +, writes (29 January 2008):
Nice question.In all honesty,a relationship where there are no disagreements or arguments is bound to fail.Too much of anything is bad.E.g When a man becomes too nice a woman becomes uneasy.Imagine a man finds his partner in bed with another man and just smiles at her and pretends he never saw anything.There are both healthy arguments as well as unhealthy arguments.Healthy arguments are encouraged while unhealthy ones,while inevitable should die a natural death in your conversations.One thing most men are guilty of is using anger and aggressiveness to get their way.Women are more cautious and think twice before saying something.The best way to deal with arguments is to think twice before you say anything.You don't want to take the blame of a break up!
Take care.
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reader, Dipsydoodlenoodle +, writes (29 January 2008):
I think arguments are good for a relationship, it clears the air rather than holding it in for too long and it eating away at your insides. Obviously constant arguments are not good but the odd argument here and there I would say is healthy. You argue with family and friends - its natural. x
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reader, Laura1318  +, writes (29 January 2008):
 If you want a happy and enjoyable relationship , you should avoid and know how to handle contentious issues which has no answers.
Your fights over issues may escalate to personal issues and that can be damaging to your relationship.
What is the point of arguing? People are different and they may not see the same as you see.Just treat it as another perspective and do not tell the other person that s/he is wrong.What makes you think that you are right and others are wrong? You can instead say that you don't agree with his views.You can agree to disagree on that issue and move on. Why do you need to convince or force him to accept your views?
If you want others to respect you , you need to respect others opinions.
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reader, Collaroy  +, writes (29 January 2008):
 Personally I hate arguments and conflict with my partner and so does she. But we are both very low maintenance people and despite the odd very brief tiff, we get on famously.
My best buddy is different, he and his wife argue all the time, they have a very tumultous relationship and somehow thrive on the intensity of these emotions.
Different strokes for different folks I guess.
The key thing is equality of course, the arguments have to be two way, any relationship where one of the partners feels its always his or her fault can be very destructive and this is how controlling people get their kicks out of seeing their loved ones squirm.
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reader, Namatjira +, writes (29 January 2008):
Hi,
This is a subject that I feel strongly about, but then I was a battered husband. My ex had extreme tempers which she used to manipulate those around her (not just me). So my answer regarding aggression is that it is unhealthy and does not belong in a relationship.
However disputes and disagreements are normal. Not even identical twins can spend their entire lives never getting on each others nerves at some point. Personally I think it is best to choose the time to talk about difficult subjects or feelings. Just blurting it out can have unfortunate timing and consequences. I guess most guys do not mind a disagreement so long as bitter and hurtful things are not said. Words spoken in anger can never be taken back. At the same time if you leave it too long then the circumstances may be forgotten or unclear. It is probably also better to talk about how whatever it was made you feel rather than calling him an idiot and that it was all his fault (even if it was). There are some excellent books to do with resolving disputes in a relationship. Go to any large bookshop and browse in the section on relationships or counselling. You will find a better book to suit your questions that way than by browsing online.
You could also sit down with your other half when there is nothing wrong and just ask him how he feels you both should deal with these disagreements when they do arise. Tell him, no particular reason, but you want it to work with you and so knowing how to address these sorts of issues will help.
All the best anyway.
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reader, alwaysndforever +, writes (29 January 2008):
i have been dating my bf for almost 5 months and we have never had one fight.. one or 2 arguments tht we smiled kissed nd lauged at after and were about such stupid stuff i used to hear fighting is good for a relationship but theres a person out there who is so amazing that you never fight with them ever..and they love you and respect you and its the best feeling in the world ..every day =] dont let them lie to u..fighting never made any one happy
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