A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Can asexuals have successful romantic relationships with sexuals?Hi, I’m a 25 year old guy, still a virgin, and asexual. I was just wondering can asexuals have successful romantic relationships with sexuals? If they can, can you give some example please. Either on websites, or from your past experiences, if you’re an asexual yourself, or you know an asexual who has had a successful relationship with a sexual person. Also, how do I let my girlfriend know, when I have one, that I’m asexual? How’s she most likely going to react if she’s a sexual person? Does that mean she’s likely to cheat on me, even though to begin with she agrees to a non sex relationship with me, however, sooner or later,for whatever reason has trouble coping with it and cheats on me. How do I deal with that situation if that does happen. I know I’m overreacting, just a bit, but it really worry’s me sometimes.
View related questions:
still a virgin Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, forgetmenot +, writes (30 April 2007):
 I'm not sure that starting a relationship with a sexual would be a good idea. I get that the temptation is there given that it seems so difficult to meet another asexual, locally who you're compatible with and the odds seem against you but you could end up really hurt in the end.
I sometimes wonder if I'm asexual but I doubt it. For me it's just cos of some icky things in my past have made me wary of sex but I do think it's something I may well eventually want. It's hard for me to know at this point to be honest.
If she agrees to an exclusive bf/gf relationship that's the same as a sexual one just without the sex then for her to have sex or to kiss another would be cheating if those are the things you agreed on and it would be just as hurtful to you as it would be as it would to a couple having a sexual relationship. Is it because in a friend relationship only the girl would of course have some sort of bf thing or dating or whatever going on that that wouldn't work for you? Or is it that you want, sort of a best friend thing with kisses and cuddles (like sexuals want a best friend with kisses and cuddles and sex)? I'm oversimplifying of course but yeah relationships are tricky to define... and I guess that's a lot of the problem. Sex is the thing that defines most couple relationships from friend relationships and with that out of the picture it makes for a lot of grey areas and misunderstandings but asexual or otherwise there's always misunderstandings. I don't think a sexual person can really have that kind of relationship without eventually wanting sex and that could lead to them resenting you and you resenting them because at the beginning they thought that they could be fine with it. I think dating other assexuals and building up even friend relationships with them to begin with could be a good path for you to take. I found this linky the other day when I was muddling through thoughts about my own sexuality and my comparitive lack of it to that of the rest of the world. You probably already know it... but just in case. http://www.asexuality.org/discussion/ lots of interesting discussions and you might come across someone who's been through the type of relationship you're wondering about and they could give you the inside scoop. Good luck!
A
male
reader, Dave2007 +, writes (29 April 2007):
Hi, I found your question really interesting. I feel there is a simplistic answer to this but because I am not asexual myself am not sure if it is the right one.
From my point of view, wouldn't just finding a really good female friend be just as good for you? If you ignore the sexual part initially I would have thought you would get most of what you are looking for in this capacity.
In general this is a difficult one, because you do get women who are not interested in sex, but it's not something they would openly discuss - so if you met a girl and started dating she may (obviously) want a sexual relationship. If you do meet and fall in love with a girl, it's unfair to expect her to forgo sex and I really don't know if I could call her having sex with other guys cheating if your relationship is not sexual in the first place - its actually platonic (which leads me back to the finding a really good girl mate answer).
I know that there are chatrooms out there for asexual people and there is definately one for Eunics (which might be worth you dropping in on purely to get directed onto a site which is just right for you).
I would however ask you to consider the reasons why you are asexual. Its quite rare, I don't want to suggest you try something you have no urge to or no interest in, but it might be worth you delving into the world of sex, either through porn, masturbation etc. You really want to be clear that your feelings are true rather than based on baggage from the past or hidden issues. For example a lot of gay or bisexual men can end up asexual because they are scared of the sexual feelings they are having. I am not for one minute saying you are gay or bisexual - but as you can see (from this point) sexual desire can be surpressed and seemingly lost due to varying reasons.
D
...............................
A
male
reader, rk06  +, writes (29 April 2007):
 I dont think I understand. Maybe its an England thing... but asexual to me means you can reproduce by yourself...
...............................
|
