A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need help. I need to learn to forgive and to trust again. My boyfriend left me for his ex and came back 3 months later. He is so different now. Seems more dedicated, supportive and generally more stable and sure of us. BUT I have withdrawn so much. I don't trust him. I need to forgive him so the resentment can go away but I'm finding this so hard. Can anyone suggest how to forgive and build the trust again. Could I be over him. I think I still love him but so much anger and confusion in the way. Please help??
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2007): Fast forward a couple of weeks/months
She takes him back forgives everything, he's on best behaviour, then gets fed up putting on the act, how long will this take for her to forgive, she watches his every move ask where he's going with whom bla bla bla. By the end of the yr both are bloody sick of it lol, part and move on like they should have. They were not married/engaged no kids your suppose to LEARN. No counciling is needed your friends family will tell you listen to them everyone has given the same advice, what do you have holding you's together as sometimes LOVE is not enough. Take care and be happy
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2007): Did you even read everybody's comments?? Just about every single agony aunt told you it was impossible to rebuild the trust and your better off moving on, and so you reply by thanking them for helping you decide that you are going to give him a second chance?? Did I miss something??
Um. ok. Give him another chance, but you are making a HUGE mistake. But...good luck with that, I guess.
I personally have way too much pride to forgive someone capable of leaving me for another girl. A guy who truly loves you wouldn't do that to you. To me it is pretty obvious that he doesn't truly love you but I guess you are really in denial and your only seeing what you want to see. Hopefully you will outgrow that someday.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys for your help with this. I have decided that I will give him another chance and try to give it 100% on a trial basis. If I can't forgive then I will walk away and never look back. You guys are so sweet to help and I hope you all find happiness too! Much love xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2007): Hi
Looks like he's breeched your boundaries!. You could take him to counciling, or just dump him. Sounds like he's got the easy life whilst you clean up after him with all the garbage that he leaves.
I quess you need to decide if he's worth the effort. Personaly I would be frightened of him repeating the behaviour, especially as he's received no punishment.
At least with someone new you can re-establish your boundaries
Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2007): You can’t expect to forgive him that quickly. Do you know why he left in the first place? If you think it was a reason that you can accept, what changed to make him come back? He is working to make up for his mistake which is good. There is no way you should be rushed. If I were you I would relax, admit to feeling unsure and that it will take time to know what will come out of it. Simply live through this and take the time you need to work out your feelings. All good things have to be worked at and sometimes it is painful.
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A
male
reader, TomWilkinson +, writes (21 November 2007):
 It doesn't sound like you're over him, but more like you're one step away from the sensible thing and leaving him. He left you for his ex, in my eyes, this is totally unforgivable, especially as it was for a number of months, he doesn't sound like the type to be commiting with.
Anger and confusion are not things in the way, but the signs that this is not good. Think about it, you KNOW you're angry and confused but you THINK you love him. Love should always be something you know.
Personally, I would not re-enter this relationship as I can only see more hurt, but I'm only here to give my oppinion not tell you what to do =)
Good luck and I hope whatever you decide brings happiness
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