A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm in college and I fell in love with a girl on my floor. She's the most amazing person I've ever met. She has a boyfriend though and says that me and her will never happen but she wants us to be friends. I tried telling her that I couldn't be friends with her because I loved her too much and it would only hurt me to be around her so much. But she insisted, and we do have an amazing friendship. The problem is there are a lot of nights like tonight when I can't stop thinking about her, when our friendship is tearing me apart because all I can think of is her and her boyfriend together, how she'll never love me like I love her. I could spend the rest of my life with this girl, in fact, that's probably my dearest wish. But I can't stand the agony, it tortures me to no end. Tonight I burst into tears like I never have after she left for break, I couldn't stop. Even as I write this I feel worse and worse. I don't know what to do, I feel like I need someone else in my life to love, but it seems like I'm never going to get over this girl if I keep being such good friends with her. Someone help, please, anything. I just want to feel better. I want to feel like life is good again, that it really is worth living.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2008): i know exactly how you feel
I felt exactly like this a few years ago, when the girl i loved was going out with another guy. eventually i moved away, and shortly after she was killed at just 17
that actually helped me, as i realised we would never be together, but is still miss her. and i doubt this will happen to you
shortly after there was another girl, same circumstances. this time she moved away, and again i was left feeling miserable but i got over it eventually
i guess the best way to deal with this is to take the person out of your life altogether. its the only way youll ever get over her
i know that if this girl that moved away came back, i would instantly fall for her again.
now theres a girl who really likes me, and i really like her. im hoping something great will spawn out of this. but it would never happen between us if the two girls were still with me, because i would still have feelings for them
so. the only way you can move on and find new love is to take her out of your life. its not what you want to hear, but its the only way
i hope that helps
rob
UK
if you want to speak to me: www.myspace.com/rob_the_crazy_guitarist
A
male
reader, Azarath +, writes (28 November 2007):
 I was in the exact same situation as you were a few years ago. I met a girl at work and she had a boyfriend. the friendship will only tear you apart little by little. you may be different from me, I am a very passionate person. I couldnt handle being "just friends" I thought like you at first. I said if I hang in there she will come around. truth is she never did. it was only after I got closure that I could truly move on. even after we stopped talking for a while I still loved her and wanted her in my life. over time the thoughts of us being together slowly faded, but if you keep making yourself remember her they never will. it harder for you because you are in the same building and same school. personally I moved out of the state but that didnt help. in the end I had to look over everything, all I did for her and wanted to do, VS all that she refused to do for me. eventually my mind and heart got tired of trying to destroy each other. about a year passed and we saw each other again by chance. she had a child and had broken up with her BF. even as a single mother, with her relationship behind her, she still wouldnt fall in love with me. not her fault. I was in the friendship zone. one night my heart had too much. and I poured out all my feelings of loss and regret, I havnt seen her since, and felt reborn after I cried that night. trust me you will fall in love again. probably more then once in your life. dont ask her to help you find a GF, she has already told all her friends about how you love her and how she keeps you in a bottle. I can promise you that. instead of focusing on how much you love her, look at the truth. she dont deserve you in the least. she is using you to make herself feel better, and for entertainment. if someone else came along that made her feel better then you do, makes her laugh more or treats her better she would slowly fade from your life anyway. stop letting this girl abuse you, and take your love for granted. someone out there will return your love. there is nothing worse in life then being in love alone. cut her off, simple as that. tell her you cant waste your life on someone who wont love you back, and your not going to cheat yourself any more. in reality thats all your doing, cheating yourself out of the happiness you could have. you deserve much better, harden your heart until you find someone who values it enough to keep it safe.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2007): Thanks to everyone who responded to this, reading all your kind words of wisdom really helped me understand what was going on inside my head. We've had some time apart over break and now I feel like I can handle a normal friendship with her. I had an idea though. What if I were to ask for her help finding a girlfriend? It seems like it would work two-fold: on the one hand I'd be finding a girlfriend, and on the other I'd be making her jealous, not out of spite, but maybe to jolt her mind a little and see if any feelings that she has for me come out. Would this be a good idea?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2007): Its a cruel act of the girl to ask you to be her best friend when she's already in a relationship with someone else. She'd treat you like a puppy and kiss you whenever she's bored or wants someone to chat with, knowing that you will always be there for her whenever she feels like it. YOu know she won't treat you the same like your love for her. Don't let her have her way. Keep your dignity intact by moving on and keeping her friendship at arm's length. YOu sound like a nice guy, you deserve better.
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A
female
reader, starfairy  +, writes (21 November 2007):
 It sounds like this girl is being unneccessarily cruel by insisting you be friends with her - she knows you love her and she knows it causes you anguish not being with her but she doesn't care - she probably enjoys the feeling of being wanted and not having to act upon it. She sounds selfish and not the kind of girl a lovely guy like you should be with.
I know this is probably totally cliched, but you WILL get over her, you WILL meet an awesome girl who'll love you back with the same intensity, and you'll look back at this girl and wonder what the hell you saw in her!
It's human nature to want what you can't have, which is probably why your feelings are so intense for her.
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (21 November 2007):
 Hi buddy. You have answered your own question - but I guess you are seeking confirmation:
"I'm never going to get over this girl if I keep being such good friends with her."
You are absolutely right - that's good. Shows you are learning.
In fairness to the girl, she has told you it will never happen. So you can't say she is leading you on in anyway. If you look at yourself critically it will help.
You are causing your own problem. The torture you describe is self inflicted. We are all human. We all do it sometimes. So don't blame yourself, just recognise it as a human weakness. Now decide to change your emotional outlook for something more positive.
Good luck
Richard
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2007): I guess you only really have 2 choices
1. Try to avoid contact - no friendship and move on to 4get her completely. This may be easier said than done because of the way you fel about her, besides a long term real friendship can be worth more than a relationship that may not last (& wont if she doesnt feel the same way as u do)
2. Accept the friendship for what it is - but u must do this for real, not just on the surface (if you can).Wud help if you cud met someone, but mite be better to just look for fun to take ur mind off this girl as u cannot commit elsewhere until u are free.
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (21 November 2007):
 Sweetheart you are so right about this.
You are bolstering her ego right now and it is tearing you apart. That just isn't fair.
A true friend would never want to see their friend in pain emotionally so you do need to draw back. She has her boyfriend and doesn't want to alter her life, why should you.
There is a lot of other girls out there who are probably into you but cannot get close because this girl demands your friendship. That isn't fair. Tell her you need your space right now and if she doesn't like it then that is her problem.
You cannot just stop living so that she has two males in her life, you need female company too like a girlfriend.
The old saying is what is good for goose is good for the gander.
Don't stop living your life, go out and socialise and if you meet someone, good. It makes life more bearable believe me.
If she truly wants you in her life then she knows how you feel and if she respects you then she must let you go. Keeping a puppy around who tells you how wonderful you are is good for her but not you.
Stand firm and start getting out there and getting over her.
I wish you all the luck in the world and keep me posted eh!
We can't all live everyone's else's life for them we have to make our own way in life and that is exactly what you need to do right now. Stand firm and stay strong and keep on smiling OK. You can do it!!!!!
BFN
Country Woman
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