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male
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*warfer3
writes: I have been married for 14 years and have got to the stage where my wife is driving me insane. Apart from going to work, she never leaves the house. She doesn’t have any friends, hobbies, interests or do any sports. She just spends all weekend and every evening staring at the television. In the past year she’s only gone out and left me alone in the house 3 times, in the same period of time I’ve left her alone in the house over 100 times. Also she is utterly useless at sex, lazy, never does any housework, never dresses attractively and won’t socialise with anyone. I’m nearly 45 years old and would desperately love to have children but she’s so frigid and I can’t make her understand that you can’t have children if you won’t have sex. I’ve got to the point where I’m so depressed about my marriage I feel like chucking it all in and walking out. Would anyone blame me?
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female
reader, blahblahblahh  +, writes (5 August 2010):
 You speak so low of your wife, why is it you're with her? Yes she sounds on the lazy side, but have you sat down and talked seriously with her? without ripping her to shreds try talking and compromising perhaps. But to me it sounds you have no hope for the relationship. If you both want oppositte things from life then it's never going to work..
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (2 August 2010):
 Yeah, she would blame you...the rest of the world doesn't matter
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2007): Oh my god! You guys are describing my life in every way.
I mean every way except I have the higher income and my wife is an obsessed clean freak (inside the house).
I hate to tell you this but that great kid will graduate from high school and will want to go to college. You’ll realize how you and your wife’s’ separate maintainance cost will interfere with that college and you’ll be contemplating another four years! My youngest just finished freshman year of college. I know.
My wife turned cold the day that child (she really, really, wanted) was conceived. I finished my twenties, lived through my thirties, and now into my forties living this way. I’ve tried everything.
I’m no slouch either. I was extremely popular growing up and I’m active, fit, tall, blond and blue eyed, and have many talents. I also have a great job in IT. I can’t spend hours in front of the TV.
Other than depression and injured self esteem from half a lifetime of constant rejection, lack of socialization, and so forth; I like my life. Nice house, classic car, little boat, good job, SUV, healthy retirement account, etc. Our recroom is a trophy room (literally) of all things my kids and I were involved in over the years. I’m hoping to do the same stuff as a grandfather. I do like my things and the thought of throwing it all away, damaging my young-uns college experience, and having her (or me) sleep on the couch in some dinky apartment I’ll have over summer while she’s home isn’t working for me.
Oh, and if someone is prepping the give me the ole' "your an evil man" thing; I’ve had too many people tell me I’m a great guy, husband, and father. I’m thankful to them because that keeps me going.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2006): I know your pain. My wife "married" my television after we moved into our house. I have tried several times and everyway I know how to communicate that I love her, I want her and I need her, but it falls on deaf ears. She has psychologically immasculated me by making me feel ashamed that I rely on her for sexual pleasure, (which isn't really pleasurable at all).Its hard to make love to someone when they turn their back to you and curl up in the fetal position and lay there like a dead slug. The only looks I get from her are rolled eyes and blank stares, providing a commercial is on. If the house gets cleaned or vacuumed, I do it. If the kitchen gets cleaned or the grass gets mowed, I do it. She does the laundry, but never puts anything away. She makes a few thousand dollars a year more than me so I'm treated as an inadiquate provider and it gives her a reason to financially control me. Oh, did I mention at one point that she drove me $30,000.00 in debt by charging up credit cards? Now, I'm back in college trying to finish my degree so I can get a better job because she wants to quite hers. She must not get enough TV time a day. The house looks like a pig sty, I am ashamed to have anyone drop by but I cant complete my degree and hold down the fort all at once. Lately, she has made every excuse to sleep on the couch in the living room so she can watch soap reruns until 1:00 am. I suspect that this is also a ploy to keep me away from her sexually. Well.....this month, I've drawn the line. I've stopped showing affection, I don't make any sexual advances or anything that suggests that I'm interested in sex with her , I don't even question if she's coming to bed. I just live my life. She's starting to hint that she thinks I'm having an affair.(What a joke, who wants two women?)
The last laugh will be mine. She has no idea that I'm just biding my time. I have ten more years until my youngest child graduates. I can hang until then. The next week after he graduates is the week I disappear. I have an e-mail ready for all of our friends and relatives that explains why I'm doing it so she cannot spread rumors,and I know exactly where I'll be going. No divorce, no fights, just me heading to paradise. She can have it all, I dont need possesions. The only thing that can stop me is her attitude. I will continue to take the high road and strive to not be such a "loser". I will still pray everyday that she will realize that I would give ANYTHING just to have her acknowledge me as her man and to hear her whisper, "I want you". I will make every effort to keep from having to carry through with my plan, but the clock is ticking.
Oh, and if your a WOMAN ready to give me the ole' "your an evil man" thing, I'll tell you something. I treat her like a princess. I'm not some hidious beast,I'm in great shape, and I've sought several counselors for advice on my problem. They ALL say it isn't me, (even the women counselors). A man isn't going to leave if he's made to feel like a man at home.
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A
reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (18 February 2006):
 I think some would blame you if that is really what you are asking. You have said she is useless at sex, frigid, lazy, doesn't dress attractively...that is quite a bundle of criticisms. Do you actually have any feelings for her at all? Have you ever tried communicating how you feel to her without criticising and insulting her? I'm sorry but the way you describe your wife sounds cruel and nasty and I'm not sure if you even care why she is this way.
It sounds to me like she is either suffering from depression or agoraphobia or both; whatever, she doesn't sound like she has been having a pleasent time of it. She must be so very lonely.
Suggesting she receives some counselling or that you both go together to receive counselling may well help. Investigating the causes of her lethargic behaviour would be far better that only complaining about her.
Open up the communication channels and ask yourself why you married her in the first place. If you want that lady back, you need to support her not run her down.
I hope this helps.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2006): It sounds like there is a very big issue here with your wife. Not only abstaining from Sex, but it seems as though she is going through something very big in her life. It appears as if she may have something she cannot discuss with you as her actions aren't normal behaviour. As her husband, you should communicate and explain to her how you are feeling and ask her to do the same. It's important you tell her that you are thinking of ending the relationship if things do not improve. It's not a threat but to illustrate how serious the problem is. Hopefully you can either or both get some counselling as she may have some deep issues, or perhaps if all else fails, at least you know you have tried everything to save the marriage, but perhaps it's best to call it a day.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2006): Tell her what you told us here. If she still doesn't do anything and your love for her has waned, divorce her. Pretty simple if you're not getting anything out of this relationship.Mind you at the same time, reaccess yourself, is there any reason to be sexy for you at all? What do you do to deserve her to do more for you? And vice versa of course...
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