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female
,
anonymous
writes: Hi people, I wonder if you can advise what to do.Im with a very caring very loving man and we do everything together. My problem is this, how sex life is non existent practically, though not from my side his... mainly due to the fact he always says hes tired and its not the be all and end all. He does look at porn, and im okay with that, but only when it doesnt affect us... he reckons its got nothing to with us and its just what men do when no one is around. This valentines day, he did spoil me flowers choclates the going out thing and all that, when it came to sex that night though he says he didnt feel like it as he was washed out from work and could we just cuddle... under normal circumstances this would be great, but i know that he had already looked at porn twice while i was out that day.. he managed to muster the energy to masturbate twice and when it came to me he was too tired! I always thought it was about couples and just lately it hasnt been, im cool if he wants to cuddle and hes not up for it, except when hes been looking at porn, why do men need to have a quick fix ? why cant they involve their partner sexually, why do they have to be so good damn lazy, i know that with some men in realatinships, it can be like a hassle to get two people turned on and in the mood so the easy answer is to do it on your own why are they like that when they ahve a very sexy girl just waiting for them... i really dont understand it... why can men be so selfish ? i spice it up all the time, but if hes mind set is on being selfish and having a quick fix how can make him change ? This really is becoming more and more difficult for alot of woman out there... what should we do... im totally in love with my man and he with me and it shouldnt just come down to the sex but it does... what should i do ?
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female
reader, sasparella +, writes (19 February 2006):
I understand every word your saying as I am in exactly the same situation and have been for nearly a year. My husband always says he's tired and makes excuses to avoid me in bed. I know that he occasionaly watches porn and masturbates but rarely has sex with me. I still don't know what the real reasons behind our non existent sex life is but I know that it isn't down to me not being attractive enough. Just recently I have become more assertive in the bedroom and blatantly told him what I wanted in bed last week.It didn't involve him, just his hands so didn't require too much energy. ( I waited till the weekend when we had all the time and energy in the world). I may never get to the bottom of my partners libido problem but I told him that I wont have excuses either so if he wants to get off using porn thats cool but I have needs too which as my husband, he has to at least try and cater for as I don't have an alternative. I wish you luck. Please don't accept excuses, he may not be able to help his behaviour but he does know that you shouldn't have to suffer for it. X
A
female
reader, meggriffin +, writes (19 February 2006):
Maybe he is shy and feels uncomfortable about sex in general. Maybe he, subconciously, feels it is something to be ashamed of? Hence why he masterbates on his own. This is just a suggestion, but why not make him some porn of ur own?
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