A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Aunts, I need your help.I had committed a major mistake of cheating on my fiancé with a married man. But I realised my mistake and owned up to it, confessed my fiancé and broke up with the married guy.He (my fiancé) has not been resentful, he loves me and we really want to work on our relationship. But it isn't easy as we thought it to be, as I have gotten very depressed after the whole episode and feel very guilty whenever I take a look at him (how could I even cheat on a man like him!). Can anyone help with the basics of starting afresh, I really love him and what I did earlier was selfish and hurtful.Thanks a lot!
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you, everyone for your help.
We've been together for the last 11 years (he is the only man I've ever been in a relationship with). We used to be a great couple, but maybe lately we were taking each other for granted.
We've booked an appointment from a professional therapist. Fingers crossed for things to develop well. And yes, I love my fiancé very much.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2017): Humans make mistakes and cheating can be a mistake and a betrayal of not only your partner but yourself!However torturing yourself with guilt is not the answer.For some reason this other guy caught you at a moment when you were vulnerable and you allowed yourself to walk off your chosen pathway.Something must have struck a chord in you and we all know how absolutely charming people can behave if they want something!However the experience does not always achieve our expectations which is often a need to be thought of as more attractive, more exciting or more sexually charged.But the end result can often be guilt and disappointment.You are seeing the bigger man in your partner because he has declared forgiveness and wanting to renew his vows of future path with you.In a way you can see it as being ambushed by someone who waited behind rocks on your path.They sensed your vulnerability and your need to feel desired and attractive and they persuaded, encouraged and invited you to digress with them behind your partners back.It is a testimonial to yourself and your relationship that you admitted the truth to your partner!Dont worry about God who already knows! This diversion has now become a challenge to your self esteem and wellbeing.Having confessed to your guy, you should now try relaxation and meditation to clear your mind of all negative thoughts.You need to both protect yourselves more thoroughly if you are to feel secure because your emotional security has been compromised.Perhaps you were taking each other for granted a bit?Maybe you neither realised the envy others felt at your comfortable relationship with your partner!Its been a difficult experience but in the greater scheme of things if you stick together this will feel like nothing more than a tedious learning experience.The future must hold enough promise for both of you to have the life you want.I expect to your boyfriend it feels like a shark attack , but he got you to shore in one piece and needs to be recognised for the hero he has been.Try positive reaffirmations for yourself.Dont worry about the bible too much..there was a lot of naughty stuff going on all over the place because it is human behaviour but God was especially interested in people seeing the error of their ways and restoring themselves in his eyes.In effect they only needed to admit it was a mistake for God to come up with love and acceptance.God doesnt want you to pine over your mistakes for ever when he has given you the gift of your life!In effect you have become the better person or will become the better person as soon as you learn to forgive yourself!You must have given enough love in the past for your boyfriend to forgive you.So on the scheme of big mistakes it doesnt rank as the highest.But it is over and done with in reality so if guilt still troubles you and impairs your self esteem and your future then book with your doctor for confidential counselling so that you can examine the connections you make between different events in your life, even if you feel it was only a momentary lapse of attention!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (1 March 2017):
 You need to accept that we all screw up sometimes. That is what makes us human. Nobody is perfect.
You need to forgive yourself for your mistake and now concentrate on making it up to your lovely fiance. If you are ever tempted to cheat again, think back to how you felt last time and that will give you strength never to go there again.
HUGS.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2017): Cheating is not a mistake. You both have to consent to having sex with each other. It takes time to build a relationship with someone and you should have stopped this when the feelings got to a certain point. In my opinion, you deserve to feel guilty. Actually, you deserve to be dumped. I'm wondering what your fiancé's dating life was like before you came along. Was he good with women? I think any self respecting man would leave you behind, with the only exceptions being that you've been married for a long time and have had kids together or the guy is a phenomenal Christian who stands by the Bible's verses on forgiveness. Thankfully you did this before you took vows. You're a cheater, plain and simple and people like you are a problem in the world of dating. I hope you continue to feel horribly about what you've done. If you can actually find some way to trust one another again, you'd better be at this man's beck and call for the rest of your lives. Maybe this is what you feel like you should hear from someone, maybe I'm just a bitter man who hates seeing women get away with crap like this, maybe I'm just an a**. Whatever you chose to think of me is what it is, but I find cheating to be the one unforgivable thing when it comes to relationships. You cheat, you lose. I think that's the way it should be. I'm done here. Try to have a nice life and don't betray anyone else's trust in this manner.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2017): What a loving kind and forgiving fiance. He most certainly loves you and was willing to forgive you.Depression is not nice and causes terrible problems for the person suffering the depression. Have you consulted with a doctor and sought out a professional counselor who can listen without judgement (as true professionals do) and then can offer you advice on some life skills that will help you get through this. Now is the time to get this support. Because if you are prone to depression and you fail to get effective treatment for depression then the depression will affect your life.But if you get treatment you can grow stronger and face this challenge and move forward with your finance on to a better life.Congratulations too for your willingness to be open and truthful with your fiance. That took courage and strength on your part.
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