A
female
age
26-29,
*nnonymous..
writes:i am so sick of my mom!i am about turn 16 going to be a junior! but my mom doesnt seem to understand.. that i want to go out. she claims to be my bestfriend. and then when i tell her things she throws it in my face. like what the freak!she doesn't even want to let go have a dinner with my boyfriends family.. we've been together for 6 months and we haven't had sex.! we decided to wait until were both ready! she judges me so bad and when i stand up she starts crying i admit i've done somethings that made her distrust me. i got drunk 3 times and i got sober! i havent drank for more than a 1 year and 4 months... she still doesnt trust me. she honestly makes me wanna go drink:/ i get so depressed like i am emotionally messed up anytips also my dad is more understandable and complex he sees my effort. but some HELP!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2012): Let me give you my perspective coming from a Mom with two teen daughters (one stayed pretty much on the straight and narrow and the other, not so much).
I allowed my girls freedom, and the older they got and more responsible they got, the freedom to do things increased. I always warned them, if you do not do what you say you are going to do, you lie to me, you do something you know is illegal, etc. everything changes...you lose your freedom, you have broken my trust in you and there are consequences to the bad choices you make.
They could tell me things if they wanted to but they did not always like my response because it wasn't what they wanted to hear...then don't ask me because I am not your BFF and I am not always going to agree and it is my job as a parent to explain why it could be a bad idea.
I was the "worst parent ever" and my youngest daughter claimed we only got into fights and didn't get along...that's how she saw it. I saw it as a good relationship, up until, and only, when she wanted to do something that I knew was out of her league or not appropriate for her to do and I would say no and she did not like that answer so she would start a fight with me over it and THAT is the only time we didn't get along. And when those times happened, I moved on, but she didn't and that's what she held onto for the longest time.
Trust is HUGE. And as parents one of our biggest fears is getting that phone call or a knock at the door from a police officer that something has happened to our child...at worst dead. It's extreme, you can't see it yourself, but it's true...this scares us terribly because we love our children and we want them safe and unharmed. And we have to let our children go out into the world and some things they have to figure out for themselves, they have to experience, you have to fall and you have to be able to get up. But our job is to guide and protect along the way and prevent what we already know could happen if put into certain situations...which is extremely difficult because teens know everything, they truly believe nothing will happen and parents don't have a clue.
When *I* got that phone call from the police officer that my 15 yo daughter was at a hotel party and drunk....first thought in my mind, thank god it wasn't worse, thank god she was safe at that time, thank god she didn't get into a car with another drunk, thank god she wasn't taken advantage of and/or raped... after that situation, everything changed between us and it's never been the same...I have forgiven her, but I have never been able to trust her again...not completely...and that was almost three years ago. I had to put a very tight leash on her for the longest time and even when I loosened it, I still wasn't sure it was the right thing to do, but it had to be done...she had to do things to prove I could trust her again..then she would slip up again and we were right back where we started again. Thankfully, she figured out the "drinking" thing was not working out so well and she wanted more than anything to be able to "drive" and she also knows there is zero tolerance in my household for those two words in the same sentence. I will always come if she is in a situation, no questions asked, but if she drinks and drives before during or after, she's done. No second chances.
I would much rather be the bad guy and stop my kids from making these stupid choices then having a kid who I have to bury or with a police record and the courts determining what to do and having that kind of stuff to start off your adult life with and further, once you are 18, when you get busted, they don't call Mom and Dad to pick you up and send you off for a little scared straight night for punishment...they throw your butt in jail. Drinking and drugs is such a scary thing with girls who cannot handle alcohol at that age...you are so vulnerable to alcohol poisoning from not knowing when to stop, boys can take serious advantage of you in your easy state of mind, you already made a bad decision when you were sober, imagine the bad choices when you are whoopin' it up and trashed...
Thankfully, she has now graduated from high school has really turned herself around, working hard to save money and is heading off to college in the fall. But I do not believe that would have happened if I had just let her do whatever, with no rules, no boundaries, didn't care what she was doing or where she was going....
A
female
reader, pinktopaz  +, writes (31 May 2012):
Your mom is your parent, not your friend. Your mom has been there and done that, she knows better than you do. You're lucky she even lets you have a boyfriend, a lot of girls can't date until 16 or even 18.
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A
female
reader, LovelyLemon +, writes (31 May 2012):
 Honey, you have to think about this from more than your perspective. Even if you know that you will make good decisions, your mom is always going to worry about you. I think you logically should be able to eat dinner with your boyfriend's family, so you need to approach it in an adult manner. Explain how important it is to both you and your boyfriend, who will be here, how you will get there and back, when you will be home, etc. It seems like your mom is having a hard time letting you grow up, which is pretty typical. You just have to show that you are a mature young woman, and you deserve her trust. Do not mention the drinking. Mention things that you do that are good, like good grades or a job or volunteer work or anything that proves your maturity.Much love and Best wishes
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