A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi - Can anyone help as I don't think I want to be with my partner anymore.My partner and I had been seeing each other for just over 4 years when we split up in February. Things really hadn't been right since about September last year. We didn't live together or anything and have no kids together. I was the one that ended the relationship but my ex kept contacting me trying to sort things out and in the end I suppose I felt some sort of 'duty' to meet up with him.We decided to give it another go about 9 weeks ago but I just can't feel the same as I once did. While we've been apart something has gone from the relationship for me and I suppose it must have done some time ago for me to end it in the first place.We have very different outlooks on life - both having children from previous relationships and I really don't think I can see a longer term future for us together.Although we do get on really well I just can't get all the feelings back that I once had. I really don't want to hurt him but I can't cope with the strain of trying to think that I'm truely happy. He says he loves me but I can't say it back as I don't love him anymore. Do I keep going hoping the feelings will return? We just seem to get on well in like a brother/sister relationship.Has anyone else felt the same? Can anyone relate?Thanks.
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female
reader, whiteshadow +, writes (10 November 2007):
 After the spark is gone, unforntly it doesnt re-light that easy. If you want to stay with the guy and try relight a spark then i suggest trying different things together from anything to going out somewhere you both have never been or doing spontaneous things together however if that didnt work i would seriously sit your partner down and tell him your true feelings. Hopefully you could remain good friends/couple depending on what happens for you :)good luck zara x
A
female
reader, lilo +, writes (10 November 2007):
i read your letter and totally understand how u feel about ur duty to meet up with him, its like you feel you owe it to him or something, i cant explain. i recently split with my bf of 10 years, and i never thought we would split up, i thought it was for keeps, but somehow over a period of time, i felt i was falling out of love and i couldnt understand what and how it was happening. like you i thought i was in denial, but now when i look back i know it was because when i looked into my long term future i did not see him in it. when you stop being sexually attracted to somone u just know! i tried to make mines work, but i wasnt being truthful to myself of him. I was unhappy hence the reason i fell out of love also, but what would make me even more unhappy and emotianally upset would be to carry out to see if feelings could come back, i only know this cause i did this too. I hope this helps.take care
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2007): hi about 10 year ago i cheted on my partner but she did not nob but i split up with her we got back together coz i thought i stilled loved her but after about five or six weeks i new it was not working out she still loved my and told me all the time and i felt bad for that but in the long run it just was'nt working out so we went are seprat ways it made her upset but it had to be done if we had stayed to gether it would not have work out and that would not have been fer to her to let them think you love them and you dont he will get over it as time gos on and meet other people when he is ready hope it helps
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