A
male
 ,
anonymous
writes:I was at a party at the weekend and I saw this girl I fancied. I was so close to asking her out but my mind kept saying "no don't do it."The reason for this is that, last March, I had my one and only girlfriend (well a date) and we went out on three dates and then she dumped me by text. I couldn't care less about her now, but I do think that I rushed things. The ordeal nevertheless made me come to the conclusion that:a) I know nothing about women, dating and relationshipsb) No matter what I do when I'm being myself, all my dates will never turn into relationships.I did compliment her (not every other minute by the way) and I always asked her questions about her so I don't know what I did wrong. Therefore I'm worried that any women I date will do the same thing when I go out with them.Can anyone give me ideas about how not to screw things up when I'm dating a woman?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2007): Not all women are like this one who dumped you by text. That sounds unkind.
It's good that you gave the woman compliments and asked her about herself.
I don't know how long you talked to the woman before asking her out or how you rushed things. Try to make friends and see whether YOU want to take things further, based on what you know about the woman. Don't forget, we women have similar feelings of nervousness towards men.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2007): Hi love,
Mr frank B kermit has said it all good luck MANDY XXXXX
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A
female
reader, dont_worry  +, writes (17 August 2007):
 the best and only way to get the approval of a woman is
to never
need it
and therefore seek it in the first place.
good luck (:
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (17 August 2007):
Try not to let your past experiences get you down. I know this is hard not too, but once you can start doing it, it really opens you up to so many new and great experiences. You may notof done ANYTHING at all wrong to cause the end of the last relationship that you had. Sometimes two people just dont match, they dont go together and so on. Or perhaps the girl you were dating had someting else going on- perhaps she wasnt ready for a relationship. Who knows. Did she give you a reason? If not, then I suggest if you are faced with a similar situation again then ask them why they are ending it, because you deserve an explanation. From what you said, I think you did a pretty good job at your last date. You complimented the girl which shows that you are interested in her and it also makes her feel good about herself, and you also asked her questions which also shows you are interested in what she ahs to say. Keep doing those things. And in all honesty I dnt think there is much more you can do to make a date go further...the dating process is really jsut about geting to know someone (through converstaion and asking questions, which you did) and then deciding on whether or not you think you could go further. Having fun is also another aspect. If you are a enjoyable persont to be around, then the girl is more likely to want to spend more time with you.Make sure that you make it obvious that your interested...a lot of the time people just assume you arent if you dont offer to make anothr date. People are insecure and just assume you arent interested in them...so yes make it obvious. As for relationships...well the tips and advice anyone could give you on that are endless! Litrally...there are sooo many aspects in a relationship, they are very complicated. However I would say the most important things to remember when you are in a relationship is respect- treat the other person in the best way possible- how you WANT to be treated. This means when you are angry, upset, happy, bored, stressed...no matter how you feel treat them with respect. A lot of relationships end beause people cant settle their differences. So its realy how you setle your differences with someone that determines whether or not your relationship will last. Compromise is the key. hope ive helped somehow...
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (17 August 2007):
 Here are some basic points:
Never let her become your mother. She is your partner, not your mother. If you see her doing things that only your mother would/can do for you, tell her to stop.
Next, protect her reputation at all times. It is her greatest asset.
Make her feel a range of emotions. Some good, some bad, but always a variety.
Cater to the little girl in her. Sometimes she just needs to feel heard and reassured, like a child would.
Should leadership in your relationship. Do not leave all the decisions for her to make. Be the one to relieve her of the responsibilities the rest of life puts on her. WHen you take her out, plan for it...but don't necessarily pay for it. Get it?
Find out what is UNIQUE about her in terms of other women. This addresses her fear of abandonment. What makes her special that no other women can give you...THIS is what it means to get to know her.
She needs to feel safe with you. Are you willing to protect her and take the hit if needed? Are you afraid of pain? Prove you will not push her to do something she is not ready for.
Trust...part of trust is to show that you will be honest with her EVEN IF you know she is not going to like what you have to say.
Be supportive when she reveals anything about her sexuality to you. The second you judge her, you lost her.
When you act like this to all women, they will all assume that other women like you. Having her see that other women like you is part of keeping her attracted to you. That is why married men have an easier time than single men.
The advice above is a summary of what I teach about women's emotional needs in my book: Everything Out Of Her Mouth Is A test: A man's guide to the emotional needs of women.
-Frank B Kermit
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