A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:About 2 months ago I started hanging out with this guy. He's nice, sweet, treats me right and makes me happy. We hang out about once or twice a week and can just chill and lounge around. I really like spending time with him and we text back and forth and this, I think, is starting to go somewhere.. The only problem is, it's a secret, and it's my best friends crush.It's been a 1 year since my best friend (Emily) and the guy (Brian) have had anything. They never dated, they just hooked up at parties. She tells me she gets really uncomfortable when he talks to me at parties and she gets really upset when he texts me. Emily tells me she is over him, and doesn't want anything to do with him anymore. I never expected anything between Brian and I in my entire life.. Anyway, on the weekend, we all went out and partied but Brian wasn't there. He texted me and said "When are you guys coming home?", Emily saw that I was texting someone and she asked me who and I lied to her and said it was a friend named John. She grabbed my phone and realized it wasn't John, and it was in fact Brian. The entire night she was pissed off at me. I wasn't sober though. I haven't talked to her for 2 days. I don't know if I should tell her that something is going on with Brian and I or if I should just continue keeping it a secret. Please help. I don't want to lose her but I don't want to lose him either. I really, really like him.
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (4 December 2008):
 I think it is time to come clean with your friend about this guy, otherwise you risk pissing her off further and even losing her as a friend.
It sounds like she still does have some feelings for him (she probably doesnt want him but doesnt want anyone else to have him either!) so if you really are serious about getting together with him then you need to sit down with your friend and talk to her.
In all fairness, you probably shouldnt have started getting involved with him because she is your friend and friends tend to stick around longer than a guy will! But if you really like him and are serious about being with him then maybe she will accept that and in time she might get used to the two of you being together. But be honest with her, that is the most important thing because a secret like that will always come out one way or another!
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